Well, I admit it. I'm so freaking glad it's finally over! I somehow inherited this awesome gene from my mother that has me stressed big time over all major holidays. The only saving grace is that I love watching my children's faces light up with joy around the holidays. To know that they anticipate and enjoy Christmas so much makes me happy.
We decided to head to my hometown right after Elaine was released from school on Friday the 17th. So over the river (and my river I mean mountain) and through the woods, to Grandma's house we went. I decided to torture my parents with our presence for 12 long days. I'm so generous, I know.
Anyway, we spent the week leading up to Christmas doing some extra shopping, trying to keep my parent's house in some sort of order and hanging out with my nephew Ashton. I took Elaine and Miles sledding which, if you've never taken your kids sledding alone I do not recommend under any circumstances. But alas, they had fun and cried when it was time to leave.
Christmas was, Christmas. It wasn't the same without Ahron of course. And I almost broke down the day before. But we made it through. Elaine and Miles both received a lot of great new toys, and I'm so glad I made three Goodwill runs over the past year to make room for all of the new goodies.
Another milestone on December 28th, my big girl turned six years old! We had a small family gathering at McDonald's and she was spoiled by our family.
Ahron, unfortunately did not have such a jolly Christmas. They spent their time in Dubai and he had duty on Christmas Day, but I know homecoming will be like all of the holidays we missed rolled into one.
Through all of these trials, I still know how incredibly blessed we are to have our health, safety, and a steady paycheck among many other things. I'm looking forward to living in the moment this year and not wishing so much for time to pass me by.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Lovely Dinner Conversation over Tacos
E: Mom, who's the oldest?
Me: What do you mean?
E: In our family.
Me: Daddy. Daddy was born first. He grew in Grandma Diane's tummy. Isn't that silly?
E: How did he get in her tummy? (I seriously thought kids only asked that question in movies)
Me: Oh honey, Grandma Diane and Grandpa Mark were in love.....then Daddy was born. (Paused a moment, perfect parent avoidance tactic, answer a question with a question)
How do you think Daddy got in her tummy?
E: Mmmmm, they went swimming.
Me: They went swimming? (Trying not to laugh at this point) Well sort of. I'll tell you more when you're older.
Me: What do you mean?
E: In our family.
Me: Daddy. Daddy was born first. He grew in Grandma Diane's tummy. Isn't that silly?
E: How did he get in her tummy? (I seriously thought kids only asked that question in movies)
Me: Oh honey, Grandma Diane and Grandpa Mark were in love.....then Daddy was born. (Paused a moment, perfect parent avoidance tactic, answer a question with a question)
How do you think Daddy got in her tummy?
E: Mmmmm, they went swimming.
Me: They went swimming? (Trying not to laugh at this point) Well sort of. I'll tell you more when you're older.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Bumblebee
Oh boy, this past week...
Dance party in the living room to Laurie Berkner
Gym x 2
Speech, MOPS, groceries
Military Family Night @ Junior High
Chimes and Lights Festival
Gingerbread House Assembly
and in between
Meals, baths, books, lots of play and a little yelling and threatening Santa would not visit naughty children. It was a busy week and I'm really grateful for that. I'm reminded of a song tonight by Nichole Nordeman. Her lyrics:
Your mercies are new every morning,
so let me wake with the dawn
Dance party in the living room to Laurie Berkner
Gym x 2
Speech, MOPS, groceries
Military Family Night @ Junior High
Chimes and Lights Festival
Gingerbread House Assembly
and in between
Meals, baths, books, lots of play and a little yelling and threatening Santa would not visit naughty children. It was a busy week and I'm really grateful for that. I'm reminded of a song tonight by Nichole Nordeman. Her lyrics:
Your mercies are new every morning,
so let me wake with the dawn
Saturday, November 27, 2010
This part is hard
We had a sweet Thanksgiving. It was a quiet day in our little home. I didn't feel stress. The kids were super excited.
We were just coming off the tail end of an arctic blast storm that left us without power for the majority of Monday night, and about three inches of snow that fell that same day. The snow was lovely. It was soft and sparkling. It was cold. After I brushed it off of Ahron's SUV, I decided it was probably time for gloves. My fingers burned when I went back in the house.
My children thought the power outage was the best night over. I dragged their mattresses into the living room by the gas fireplace and we just hung out for the evening, talking, telling stories and snacking.
For Thanksgiving, I made a small turkey breast in the crockpot, two pies (which turned out amazing, if I do say so myself), fruit salad, stuffing, rolls and green bean casserole. Our neighbor came over to share in the holiday with us.
The last few days I've felt a bit of sadness as Christmas time nears. It's tough, it's bittersweet as we get the house ready for Christmas without Ahron. As it also happens, we are about to reach a very important milestone in this deployment, timewise. I told him on the phone that once we reach this milestone, hopefully time will start to move more quickly.
We have so very much to be thankful for. We're healthy, we're comfortable. God has shown Himself to me now, more clearly then before, and I need that and I'm grateful.
On to December.
We were just coming off the tail end of an arctic blast storm that left us without power for the majority of Monday night, and about three inches of snow that fell that same day. The snow was lovely. It was soft and sparkling. It was cold. After I brushed it off of Ahron's SUV, I decided it was probably time for gloves. My fingers burned when I went back in the house.
My children thought the power outage was the best night over. I dragged their mattresses into the living room by the gas fireplace and we just hung out for the evening, talking, telling stories and snacking.
For Thanksgiving, I made a small turkey breast in the crockpot, two pies (which turned out amazing, if I do say so myself), fruit salad, stuffing, rolls and green bean casserole. Our neighbor came over to share in the holiday with us.
The last few days I've felt a bit of sadness as Christmas time nears. It's tough, it's bittersweet as we get the house ready for Christmas without Ahron. As it also happens, we are about to reach a very important milestone in this deployment, timewise. I told him on the phone that once we reach this milestone, hopefully time will start to move more quickly.
We have so very much to be thankful for. We're healthy, we're comfortable. God has shown Himself to me now, more clearly then before, and I need that and I'm grateful.
On to December.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Defining Deployment
Deployment is:
Taking my daughter to school 20 minutes late so she could see Daddy on the webcam.
Taking my daughter to school 20 minutes late so she could see Daddy on the webcam.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
We are floating along
We are moving forward in this tunnel of change and separation. I find myself relating so much to metaphors and similes that have to do with the waves of the water, with a boat, lost and then navigating in the right direction. A couple of blog posts back I shared a lyric from Blue October's "Into the Ocean."
When did the mighty oceans begin to resemble our life so much?
Another song that I absolutely love, Sarah Mclachlan's "Push." The chorus goes like this:
You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe
I so love that about my husband. He stays the course, he holds the line. He believes so fully in our marriage. He believes in happy endings and has a vision past what is our current reality.
The leaves are almost off all of the changing trees here. It's a beautiful contrast to all of the trees that stay the same. Ahron's not sick anymore and just yesterday he received our first care package. It took more or less 30 days for that package to reach him. He said the box was flat when it finally reached him and the candy corn we'd sent for Halloween was busted open and spilled but other then that it was in good condition.
With that in mind, I've almost finished our Christmas package to him. He's getting some pretty cool presents this year. And copious amounts of treats. He's using his free time to work out and I can already tell he's lost some weight. So, the Christmas treats should fatten him right back up :)
I feel like the last few weeks I've really surrendered to this deployment. I've admitted defeat in that it's really happening and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. Everything is such a process for me.
I remember about a year and a half ago he didn't tell me about an upcoming underway until two weeks before and I absolutely blew up at him. Was it his fault at all? In retrospect, no. But I didn't have the right amount of time to process him leaving and it hurt. Sometimes I wonder if he knows how hard this is for me. After thinking about that a couple of times, I've come to this conclusion about my husband of eight years: He believes in me. He knows that deep down inside I have strength that can overcome this crazy lifestyle. Thank God I married an optimist! No telling where I'd be had I not.
We're coming on Week 10 (14 weeks total with the previous underway right before deployment). The paper boat on our wall is moving forward.
On Thursday, Veteran's Day, I took my children up to the fairgrounds to look at military vehicles and aircraft on display. I wore my pink Navy Veteran hat with pride. They are such amazing little beings in their own right. They are perfect at this adapt and overcome thing, and I'm glad I can learn from them.
I have to really put on my big girl boots and get through the next 12 weeks. I think if I can just get through that, we will start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
When did the mighty oceans begin to resemble our life so much?
Another song that I absolutely love, Sarah Mclachlan's "Push." The chorus goes like this:
You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe
I so love that about my husband. He stays the course, he holds the line. He believes so fully in our marriage. He believes in happy endings and has a vision past what is our current reality.
The leaves are almost off all of the changing trees here. It's a beautiful contrast to all of the trees that stay the same. Ahron's not sick anymore and just yesterday he received our first care package. It took more or less 30 days for that package to reach him. He said the box was flat when it finally reached him and the candy corn we'd sent for Halloween was busted open and spilled but other then that it was in good condition.
With that in mind, I've almost finished our Christmas package to him. He's getting some pretty cool presents this year. And copious amounts of treats. He's using his free time to work out and I can already tell he's lost some weight. So, the Christmas treats should fatten him right back up :)
I feel like the last few weeks I've really surrendered to this deployment. I've admitted defeat in that it's really happening and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. Everything is such a process for me.
I remember about a year and a half ago he didn't tell me about an upcoming underway until two weeks before and I absolutely blew up at him. Was it his fault at all? In retrospect, no. But I didn't have the right amount of time to process him leaving and it hurt. Sometimes I wonder if he knows how hard this is for me. After thinking about that a couple of times, I've come to this conclusion about my husband of eight years: He believes in me. He knows that deep down inside I have strength that can overcome this crazy lifestyle. Thank God I married an optimist! No telling where I'd be had I not.
We're coming on Week 10 (14 weeks total with the previous underway right before deployment). The paper boat on our wall is moving forward.
On Thursday, Veteran's Day, I took my children up to the fairgrounds to look at military vehicles and aircraft on display. I wore my pink Navy Veteran hat with pride. They are such amazing little beings in their own right. They are perfect at this adapt and overcome thing, and I'm glad I can learn from them.
I have to really put on my big girl boots and get through the next 12 weeks. I think if I can just get through that, we will start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Heartsick and well...just sick
I'm the heartsick one. Ahron is the sick one. And because he's sick, I haven't heard from him in almost two days.
Now, whenever I don't get my usual emails from him, I start playing out horrible scenarios in my head. He fell down a ladderwell and broke a leg. He's in medical, dehydrated, getting an IV for hydration. It's silly. He's probably already better, since it was a couple of days ago. Communications are shut off again? Maybe. He's most likely trying to catch up on all of the work he's missed.
This upcoming weekend should be a good one. My mom and dad are driving up to hang out with me, yay! I'm going to have my Dad help me with some little projects around the house, and then we are utilizing our military date night to go out and have some fun without the kiddos! Thinking the Clearwater Casino. It should be a great weekend and just what I need to lift my spirits and stay positive.
Our Halloween was fun for the kids, so-so for me. I missed Ahron of course, but I tried to push through it and enjoy it for my children's sake. I was really proud of my little guy, who won 3rd place at the YMCA's costume contest! He was rocking the Popeye outfit. Lainie, my little planner, looked sugary sweet as Barbie Thumbelina. I say planner because she's had that costume planned since last year. She is going to use the costume again for sixth birthday garden party (let the pre-planning stages begin).
My next "keep me busy" project is reorganizing the entry and linen closet...and I may get a new computer desk. The one we have now is small and practical, but I want something with a little more style, and a little sturdier.
Now I must go live life. It goes by too fast, anyway.
Now, whenever I don't get my usual emails from him, I start playing out horrible scenarios in my head. He fell down a ladderwell and broke a leg. He's in medical, dehydrated, getting an IV for hydration. It's silly. He's probably already better, since it was a couple of days ago. Communications are shut off again? Maybe. He's most likely trying to catch up on all of the work he's missed.
This upcoming weekend should be a good one. My mom and dad are driving up to hang out with me, yay! I'm going to have my Dad help me with some little projects around the house, and then we are utilizing our military date night to go out and have some fun without the kiddos! Thinking the Clearwater Casino. It should be a great weekend and just what I need to lift my spirits and stay positive.
Our Halloween was fun for the kids, so-so for me. I missed Ahron of course, but I tried to push through it and enjoy it for my children's sake. I was really proud of my little guy, who won 3rd place at the YMCA's costume contest! He was rocking the Popeye outfit. Lainie, my little planner, looked sugary sweet as Barbie Thumbelina. I say planner because she's had that costume planned since last year. She is going to use the costume again for sixth birthday garden party (let the pre-planning stages begin).
My next "keep me busy" project is reorganizing the entry and linen closet...and I may get a new computer desk. The one we have now is small and practical, but I want something with a little more style, and a little sturdier.
Now I must go live life. It goes by too fast, anyway.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Into the Ocean
Where is the coastguard
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection
Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine
The jetsam sunk, I'm left behind
I'm treading for my life believe me
(How can I keep up this breathing)
Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space
I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now, come down
Let the rain come down
Blue October, "Into The Ocean"
These are part of the lyrics to one of my favorite "deployment songs," as I like to categorize them. These are songs that I choose that I can relate to during the daily grind, and the quiet nights.
I've found music to be extremely motivating as we drag through this deployment, in the same way it was in 2002, when we were separated during our first year of marriage.
This past weekend I traveled with the kids down to my hometown. It was awesome to be with family. The weekend went much too fast. The children played with their Papa's 15 puppies! We chose pumpkins and enjoyed some great Mexican food. I felt overwhelmed when I came home for some reason. But I got a chance to introduce myself to my new neighbor across the street, who is pregnant, with a 7-month old baby and two dogs. Her husband will be moving up here in a couple months but for now she's on her own. I wanted to reach out to her to let her know that she's not alone! You can be lonely but not alone.
I'm feeling grateful for many things lately. One of the best parts about deployments is on the horizon. That is...wait for it...the extra money! It helps, it really does. A little retail therapy is always a good thing. I bought myself two new pairs of boots recently and it was a great feeling to have something pretty and new for myself.
This week we don't have that much going on. My big girl Kindergartner is out of school for conferences and today is the first day it hasn't rained in a couple of days. We're all excited for Halloween on Sunday and tomorrow we're attending our local YMCA's harvest party. This is a fun time of year for us. Just need to keep our heads up.
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection
Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine
The jetsam sunk, I'm left behind
I'm treading for my life believe me
(How can I keep up this breathing)
Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space
I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now, come down
Let the rain come down
Blue October, "Into The Ocean"
These are part of the lyrics to one of my favorite "deployment songs," as I like to categorize them. These are songs that I choose that I can relate to during the daily grind, and the quiet nights.
I've found music to be extremely motivating as we drag through this deployment, in the same way it was in 2002, when we were separated during our first year of marriage.
This past weekend I traveled with the kids down to my hometown. It was awesome to be with family. The weekend went much too fast. The children played with their Papa's 15 puppies! We chose pumpkins and enjoyed some great Mexican food. I felt overwhelmed when I came home for some reason. But I got a chance to introduce myself to my new neighbor across the street, who is pregnant, with a 7-month old baby and two dogs. Her husband will be moving up here in a couple months but for now she's on her own. I wanted to reach out to her to let her know that she's not alone! You can be lonely but not alone.
I'm feeling grateful for many things lately. One of the best parts about deployments is on the horizon. That is...wait for it...the extra money! It helps, it really does. A little retail therapy is always a good thing. I bought myself two new pairs of boots recently and it was a great feeling to have something pretty and new for myself.
This week we don't have that much going on. My big girl Kindergartner is out of school for conferences and today is the first day it hasn't rained in a couple of days. We're all excited for Halloween on Sunday and tomorrow we're attending our local YMCA's harvest party. This is a fun time of year for us. Just need to keep our heads up.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Missing him at the most random of times
I'm missing my husband today. The emotions caught me in between a cat nap and cleaning out my car. It doesn't take much to make me well up. A song, a memory.
I'm beginning to realize how convenient it is for me when he's here. Because then I don't have to let others in. I don't have to to open my heart to deep personal, friendships and relationships. I don't have to ask for help. I am comfortable in that space. Stepping out of it makes me scared, it makes me fidget like I'm dressed up for a night out and not in jeans and flats.
Six weeks into it and I finally had to ask for help and I hated that. I hate that I can't do it alone. But I do appreciate everyone who's stepped up to be there for me. It's just me being stubborn.
I am learning a lot about myself.
I'm beginning to realize how convenient it is for me when he's here. Because then I don't have to let others in. I don't have to to open my heart to deep personal, friendships and relationships. I don't have to ask for help. I am comfortable in that space. Stepping out of it makes me scared, it makes me fidget like I'm dressed up for a night out and not in jeans and flats.
Six weeks into it and I finally had to ask for help and I hated that. I hate that I can't do it alone. But I do appreciate everyone who's stepped up to be there for me. It's just me being stubborn.
I am learning a lot about myself.
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