Thursday, October 21, 2010

Missing him at the most random of times

I'm missing my husband today.  The emotions caught me in between a cat nap and cleaning out my car.  It doesn't take much to make me well up.  A song, a memory. 

I'm beginning to realize how convenient it is for me when he's here.  Because then I don't have to let others in.  I don't have to to open my heart to deep personal, friendships and relationships.  I don't have to ask for help.  I am comfortable in that space.  Stepping out of it makes me scared, it makes me fidget like I'm dressed up for a night out and not in jeans and flats. 

Six weeks into it and I finally had to ask for help and I hated that.  I hate that I can't do it alone.  But I do appreciate everyone who's stepped up to be there for me.  It's just me being stubborn.

I am learning a lot about myself. 

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