This part is hard

We had a sweet Thanksgiving.  It was a quiet day in our little home.  I didn't feel stress.  The kids were super excited. 

We were just coming off the tail end of an arctic blast storm that left us without power for the majority of Monday night, and about three inches of snow that fell that same day.  The snow was lovely.  It was soft and sparkling.  It was cold.  After I brushed it off of Ahron's SUV, I decided it was probably time for gloves.  My fingers burned when I went back in the house.

My children thought the power outage was the best night over.  I dragged their mattresses into the living room by the gas fireplace and we just hung out for the evening, talking, telling stories and snacking. 

For Thanksgiving, I made a small turkey breast in the crockpot, two pies (which turned out amazing, if I do say so myself), fruit salad, stuffing, rolls and green bean casserole.  Our neighbor came over to share in the holiday with us.   

The last few days I've felt a bit of sadness as Christmas time nears.  It's tough, it's bittersweet as we get the house ready for Christmas without Ahron.  As it also happens, we are about to reach a very important milestone in this deployment, timewise.  I told him on the phone that once we reach this milestone, hopefully time will start to move more quickly.

We have so very much to be thankful for.  We're healthy, we're comfortable.  God has shown Himself to me now, more clearly then before, and I need that and I'm grateful.

On to December.  

Defining Deployment

Deployment is:

Taking my daughter to school 20 minutes late so she could see Daddy on the webcam.

We are floating along

We are moving forward in this tunnel of change and separation.  I find myself relating so much to metaphors and similes that have to do with the waves of the water, with a boat, lost and then navigating in the right direction.  A couple of blog posts back I shared a lyric from Blue October's "Into the Ocean." 

When did the mighty oceans begin to resemble our life so much? 
Another song that I absolutely love, Sarah Mclachlan's "Push."  The chorus goes like this:

You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe

I so love that about my husband.  He stays the course, he holds the line.  He believes so fully in our marriage.  He believes in happy endings and has a vision past what is our current reality. 

The leaves are almost off all of the changing trees here.  It's a beautiful contrast to all of the trees that stay the same.  Ahron's not sick anymore and just yesterday he received our first care package.  It took more or less 30 days for that package to reach him.  He said the box was flat when it finally reached him and the candy corn we'd sent for Halloween was busted open and spilled but other then that it was in good condition. 

With that in mind, I've almost finished our Christmas package to him.  He's getting some pretty cool presents this year.  And copious amounts of treats.  He's using his free time to work out and I can already tell he's lost some weight.  So, the Christmas treats should fatten him right back up :)

I feel like the last few weeks I've really surrendered to this deployment.  I've admitted defeat in that it's really happening and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.  Everything is such a process for me. 

I remember about a year and a half ago he didn't tell me about an upcoming underway until two weeks before and I absolutely blew up at him.  Was it his fault at all? In retrospect, no.  But I didn't have the right amount of time to process him leaving and it hurt.  Sometimes I wonder if he knows how hard this is for me.  After thinking about that a couple of times, I've come to this conclusion about my husband of eight years: He believes in me.  He knows that deep down inside I have strength that can overcome this crazy lifestyle.  Thank God I married an optimist!  No telling where I'd be had I not. 

We're coming on Week 10 (14 weeks total with the previous underway right before deployment).  The paper boat on our wall is moving forward.

On Thursday, Veteran's Day, I took my children up to the fairgrounds to look at military vehicles and aircraft on display.  I wore my pink Navy Veteran hat with pride.  They are such amazing little beings in their own right.  They are perfect at this adapt and overcome thing, and I'm glad I can learn from them. 

I have to really put on my big girl boots and get through the next 12 weeks.  I think if I can just get through that, we will start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Heartsick and well...just sick

I'm the heartsick one.  Ahron is the sick one.  And because he's sick, I haven't heard from him in almost two days. 

Now, whenever I don't get my usual emails from him, I start playing out horrible scenarios in my head.  He fell down a ladderwell and broke a leg.  He's in medical, dehydrated, getting an IV for hydration.  It's silly.  He's probably already better, since it was a couple of days ago.  Communications are shut off again?  Maybe.  He's most likely trying to catch up on all of the work he's missed. 

This upcoming weekend should be a good one.  My mom and dad are driving up to hang out with me, yay!  I'm going to have my Dad help me with some little projects around the house, and then we are utilizing our military date night to go out and have some fun without the kiddos! Thinking the Clearwater Casino.  It should be a great weekend and just what I need to lift my spirits and stay positive. 

Our Halloween was fun for the kids, so-so for me.  I missed Ahron of course, but I tried to push through it and enjoy it for my children's sake.  I was really proud of my little guy, who won 3rd place at the YMCA's costume contest!  He was rocking the Popeye outfit.  Lainie, my little planner, looked sugary sweet as Barbie Thumbelina.  I say planner because she's had that costume planned since last year.  She is going to use the costume again for sixth birthday garden party (let the pre-planning stages begin). 

My next "keep me busy" project is reorganizing the entry and linen closet...and I may get a new computer desk.  The one we have now is small and practical, but I want something with a little more style, and a little sturdier. 

Now I must go live life.  It goes by too fast, anyway.