Saturday, November 13, 2010

We are floating along

We are moving forward in this tunnel of change and separation.  I find myself relating so much to metaphors and similes that have to do with the waves of the water, with a boat, lost and then navigating in the right direction.  A couple of blog posts back I shared a lyric from Blue October's "Into the Ocean." 

When did the mighty oceans begin to resemble our life so much? 
Another song that I absolutely love, Sarah Mclachlan's "Push."  The chorus goes like this:

You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in

You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe

I so love that about my husband.  He stays the course, he holds the line.  He believes so fully in our marriage.  He believes in happy endings and has a vision past what is our current reality. 

The leaves are almost off all of the changing trees here.  It's a beautiful contrast to all of the trees that stay the same.  Ahron's not sick anymore and just yesterday he received our first care package.  It took more or less 30 days for that package to reach him.  He said the box was flat when it finally reached him and the candy corn we'd sent for Halloween was busted open and spilled but other then that it was in good condition. 

With that in mind, I've almost finished our Christmas package to him.  He's getting some pretty cool presents this year.  And copious amounts of treats.  He's using his free time to work out and I can already tell he's lost some weight.  So, the Christmas treats should fatten him right back up :)

I feel like the last few weeks I've really surrendered to this deployment.  I've admitted defeat in that it's really happening and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.  Everything is such a process for me. 

I remember about a year and a half ago he didn't tell me about an upcoming underway until two weeks before and I absolutely blew up at him.  Was it his fault at all? In retrospect, no.  But I didn't have the right amount of time to process him leaving and it hurt.  Sometimes I wonder if he knows how hard this is for me.  After thinking about that a couple of times, I've come to this conclusion about my husband of eight years: He believes in me.  He knows that deep down inside I have strength that can overcome this crazy lifestyle.  Thank God I married an optimist!  No telling where I'd be had I not. 

We're coming on Week 10 (14 weeks total with the previous underway right before deployment).  The paper boat on our wall is moving forward.

On Thursday, Veteran's Day, I took my children up to the fairgrounds to look at military vehicles and aircraft on display.  I wore my pink Navy Veteran hat with pride.  They are such amazing little beings in their own right.  They are perfect at this adapt and overcome thing, and I'm glad I can learn from them. 

I have to really put on my big girl boots and get through the next 12 weeks.  I think if I can just get through that, we will start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

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