Oprah Today

Oh boy, what a tearjerker!  The entire episode was about military families and the sacrifices we (and by we I mean ALL military families) have made over the last 10 years in this war.

What I thought was most interesting, was the discussion that there is a disconnect among most of the people in this country and the 1% who are actually in the military.  Most Americans don't even know someone that is actively serving.    First Lady Michelle Obama, along with Tom Brokaw and Bob Woodward came on Oprah to be an advocate for us and our families.

This website, http://www.serve.gov/ is set up to provide people with volunteer opportunities in their area.  I typed in my own zip code and was surprised at just how much actually came up.  Spurred into action, I immediately emailed the volunteer coordinator at our local state Veteran's Home that is just around the corner from us.  It doesn't have to apply to military families, there are tons of organizations that need volunteers. 

My point in this post is this--We can all help out in ways to support our active and veteran military and their families.  I also believe we as military families should pay it forward and help out in any way we can.

Over the years, I have often heard the phrase, "The Navy takes care of their own, the Marines take care of their own," etc.  I think we as military families need to break out of that line of thinking and be able to ask for help when we need it.  I'm very happy to see Mrs. Obama step forward and ask regular, everyday people to help take care of us too!  We are not looking for freebies, and the needs of every military family are different.  Some need a lot of support.  Some need little, some don't need any at all, and can help out other families. 

I am very fortunate to have an incredible support system while my husband is gone.  I also live in a town that is very, very good to our military families and I'm grateful for that.  Not everyone is as fortunate as myself though and it's disheartening to me to see our bravest soldiers and their families isolated from the love and support they need. 

I know that there are a lot of problems in this world and I know that people have their own worries, concerns and struggles to deal with.  But I really, truly hope with all my heart and soul that something (okay, many good things!) will come of this Oprah episode that aired today.

If nothing else, take a moment and visit the website
http://www.serve.gov/

Communication Rant

One of the truly disheartening things about being a family in the Navy is that the communication from the ship to the homestead is often challenging to obtain. 

Please don't get me wrong.  There are lots of perks to being in the Navy and having your loved one stationed on a Navy ship, as opposed to being in the the other services.  I would never say that the Navy life is harder or easier than being part or the Army, Marines or Air Force.  Each service has its own challenges and benefits. 

But lately, the communication capabilities of this large ship in the middle of the ocean can really wear down one's patience.  One of the things that bugs me most, is that the AT&T Sailor phones onboard, provided for Sailor's to be able to keep in touch with their families are very poor quality indeed.  From the cost to use these Sailor phones, to the amount of static you have to talk through (I mean, it is ridiculous to have to strain to listen to hear words of your deployed Sailor, even with your phone on its highest volume) is really sad. 

In the meantime, what we generally rely on to communicate is e-mail.  And when that goes down for whatever purpose, it can be very frustrating.  Your spouse, your best friend, suddenly becomes this far away person who you almost have to emotionally forget about, just so you can get through your day. 

With all of the gains in the technology world in recent decades, there's got to be a way to allow better communication between families for our sailors that don't have access to computers and phones out there.  Within the Navy, you also have to consider that any type of outside communication can be a security risk. 

What I do know for sure, (and I'm trying to say that without sounding like the end of a O magazine) is that when my husband steps off that ship and back into our lives, I fully intend to share a cup of coffee with him and bask in the glorious revelation that we get to sit down and have a conversation and communicate.  And I promise to appreciate that simple task that so many people take for granted.

Now I'm curious.  What are the challenges with communication during deployment in the other military services? 

Light

The light at the end of the tunnel.  I can see it.  I give myself permission to get just a little bit excited.  Just a bit of hope. 

We've been so busy lately.  I haven't even had time to reflect or write.  This last week was filled with visitors.  First, our neighbors went into the hospital to have their second baby.  We had the privilege of watching their 11-month-old daughter, and that kept all of us on our toes for two days. 

On Saturday, my brother, his girlfriend and their baby came to stay with us. 

They are in the area looking for apartments and/or condos since he just landed a job on this side of the mountains. 

Ahron got horribly sick with a nasty case of viral gastroenteritis.  It him "like a ton of bricks," as he described it.  He had to have an IV drip and nausea shots but he is now on the mend.  I know how much it sucks living in close quarters with so many people.  Those viruses are incredibly contagious. 

My son Miles also started preschool on Friday!  That was a big milestone and so far he seems to really enjoy it.  I'm looking forward to getting a break every Thursday and Friday.  My friend and I already have a bowling and breakfast meet up planned since both of us are kid-free on Thursday mornings. 

One of the things that's been bugging me lately is the time difference between my husband and I.  The distance alone is hard to deal with, add to that, it's his night and my day, and it makes for very long days.  We only get to email each other in passing.  As I wake up and get to respond to his email, he's on his way to bed. 

I can't even express how glad I will be when the ship starts heading home and time zones began to align a little better.  When our little boat on our count up wall gets to the last row of weeks, I'm going to be ecstatic. 

This past two weeks has been very difficult for my daughter.  She recently turned six and though it was a happy time for her,  she has also been extremely emotional.  For a couple days in a row, she was crying a lot for her Daddy, and breaking down over the most silly things.  It's painfully obvious to me that with the end of deployment coming sooner rather then later, she  feels changes coming that are out of her control.  Homecoming can be a confusing time, especially for children, and I don't think most people know that it can be both happy and scary/sad/confusing time.

We'll see how it goes, but most importantly, provide love and support to our two little sweeties, who endure so much and are probably impacted by deployment more than we know.  I also know they are incredibly strong and resilient, and they will come out okay through all of this.

Lessons for 2011

Here's what I've been hearing lately that's struck a chord with me.  I'm going to try to live by these this year.

1)Live below your means, but within your needs.  --Suze Orman

2)All you need is love, love is all you need.--John Lennon

3)What have you done lately for your fellow man?--More acceptance, less judgement in 2011.

I want this year to be different.  I spent a lot of last year at a crossroads.  I questioned many of my beliefs and felt the need to define them and explore them, and I tried my best with this ongoing crazy, busy life of mine.   

I have this thing.  I want to be 100 percent me by the age of 30.  I want to know who I am, and I want to be confident about that, be my best me.  I want to find the peace I feel I've lost over the years. 

Lots of good things to look forward to this year.  I'm trying to go forward fully trusting in God's plan for our family. 

Christmas, Woohoo it's Finally Over!

Well, I admit it.  I'm so freaking glad it's finally over!  I somehow inherited this awesome gene from my mother that has me stressed big time over all major holidays.  The only saving grace is that I love watching my children's faces light up with joy around the holidays.  To know that they anticipate and enjoy Christmas so much makes me happy.

We decided to head to my hometown right after Elaine was released from school on Friday the 17th.  So over the river (and my river I mean mountain) and through the woods, to Grandma's house we went.  I decided to torture my parents with our presence for 12 long days.  I'm so generous, I know.

Anyway, we spent the week leading up to Christmas doing some extra shopping, trying to keep my parent's house in some sort of order and hanging out with my nephew Ashton.  I took Elaine and Miles sledding which, if you've never taken your kids sledding alone I do not recommend under any circumstances.  But alas, they had fun and cried when it was time to leave.

Christmas was, Christmas.  It wasn't the same without Ahron of course. And I almost broke down the day before.  But we made it through.  Elaine and Miles both received a lot of great new toys, and I'm so glad I made three Goodwill runs over the past year to make room for all of the new goodies. 

Another milestone on December 28th, my big girl turned six years old! We had a small family gathering at McDonald's and she was spoiled by our family.

Ahron, unfortunately did not have such a jolly Christmas.  They spent their time in Dubai and he had duty on Christmas Day, but I know homecoming will be like all of the holidays we missed rolled into one. 

Through all of these trials, I still know how incredibly blessed we are to have our health, safety, and a steady paycheck among many other things.  I'm looking forward to living in the moment this year and not wishing so much for time to pass me by. 

Lovely Dinner Conversation over Tacos

E: Mom, who's the oldest?


Me: What do you mean?

E: In our family.

Me: Daddy. Daddy was born first. He grew in Grandma Diane's tummy. Isn't that silly?

E: How did he get in her tummy? (I seriously thought kids only asked that question in movies)

Me: Oh honey, Grandma Diane and Grandpa Mark were in love.....then Daddy was born. (Paused a moment, perfect parent avoidance tactic, answer a question with a question)
How do you think Daddy got in her tummy?

E: Mmmmm, they went swimming.

Me: They went swimming? (Trying not to laugh at this point)  Well sort of. I'll tell you more when you're older.

Bumblebee

Oh boy, this past week...

Dance party in the living room to Laurie Berkner

Gym x 2

Speech, MOPS, groceries

Military Family Night @ Junior High

Chimes and Lights Festival

Gingerbread House Assembly

and in between

Meals, baths, books, lots of play and a little yelling and threatening Santa would not visit naughty children.  It was a busy week and I'm really grateful for that.  I'm reminded of a song tonight by Nichole Nordeman.  Her lyrics:

Your mercies are new every morning,
so let me wake with the dawn

This part is hard

We had a sweet Thanksgiving.  It was a quiet day in our little home.  I didn't feel stress.  The kids were super excited. 

We were just coming off the tail end of an arctic blast storm that left us without power for the majority of Monday night, and about three inches of snow that fell that same day.  The snow was lovely.  It was soft and sparkling.  It was cold.  After I brushed it off of Ahron's SUV, I decided it was probably time for gloves.  My fingers burned when I went back in the house.

My children thought the power outage was the best night over.  I dragged their mattresses into the living room by the gas fireplace and we just hung out for the evening, talking, telling stories and snacking. 

For Thanksgiving, I made a small turkey breast in the crockpot, two pies (which turned out amazing, if I do say so myself), fruit salad, stuffing, rolls and green bean casserole.  Our neighbor came over to share in the holiday with us.   

The last few days I've felt a bit of sadness as Christmas time nears.  It's tough, it's bittersweet as we get the house ready for Christmas without Ahron.  As it also happens, we are about to reach a very important milestone in this deployment, timewise.  I told him on the phone that once we reach this milestone, hopefully time will start to move more quickly.

We have so very much to be thankful for.  We're healthy, we're comfortable.  God has shown Himself to me now, more clearly then before, and I need that and I'm grateful.

On to December.  

Defining Deployment

Deployment is:

Taking my daughter to school 20 minutes late so she could see Daddy on the webcam.

We are floating along

We are moving forward in this tunnel of change and separation.  I find myself relating so much to metaphors and similes that have to do with the waves of the water, with a boat, lost and then navigating in the right direction.  A couple of blog posts back I shared a lyric from Blue October's "Into the Ocean." 

When did the mighty oceans begin to resemble our life so much? 
Another song that I absolutely love, Sarah Mclachlan's "Push."  The chorus goes like this:

You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe

I so love that about my husband.  He stays the course, he holds the line.  He believes so fully in our marriage.  He believes in happy endings and has a vision past what is our current reality. 

The leaves are almost off all of the changing trees here.  It's a beautiful contrast to all of the trees that stay the same.  Ahron's not sick anymore and just yesterday he received our first care package.  It took more or less 30 days for that package to reach him.  He said the box was flat when it finally reached him and the candy corn we'd sent for Halloween was busted open and spilled but other then that it was in good condition. 

With that in mind, I've almost finished our Christmas package to him.  He's getting some pretty cool presents this year.  And copious amounts of treats.  He's using his free time to work out and I can already tell he's lost some weight.  So, the Christmas treats should fatten him right back up :)

I feel like the last few weeks I've really surrendered to this deployment.  I've admitted defeat in that it's really happening and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.  Everything is such a process for me. 

I remember about a year and a half ago he didn't tell me about an upcoming underway until two weeks before and I absolutely blew up at him.  Was it his fault at all? In retrospect, no.  But I didn't have the right amount of time to process him leaving and it hurt.  Sometimes I wonder if he knows how hard this is for me.  After thinking about that a couple of times, I've come to this conclusion about my husband of eight years: He believes in me.  He knows that deep down inside I have strength that can overcome this crazy lifestyle.  Thank God I married an optimist!  No telling where I'd be had I not. 

We're coming on Week 10 (14 weeks total with the previous underway right before deployment).  The paper boat on our wall is moving forward.

On Thursday, Veteran's Day, I took my children up to the fairgrounds to look at military vehicles and aircraft on display.  I wore my pink Navy Veteran hat with pride.  They are such amazing little beings in their own right.  They are perfect at this adapt and overcome thing, and I'm glad I can learn from them. 

I have to really put on my big girl boots and get through the next 12 weeks.  I think if I can just get through that, we will start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.