Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Here it comes

The last week has absolutely drained every ounce out of me, emotionally at least.

First, it started with the earthquake and tsunami in Japan.  If you know me, you know I spent part of my time living in Yokosuka from 2001-2003 and also visited various parts of the country with my ship at the time. 

My heart goes out to the people of Japan.  But I know the character of the Japanese people.  Their sense of quiet strength is different then those in other countries.  They will overcome this disaster with strength and grace.  Many commentators have mentioned the minimal amount of looting and crime going on in the wake of this tragedy.  That comes as no surprise to me.  One time I walked back to my ship around one in the morning and felt not even the slightest hint of fear.   

As it happened, Ahron's ship, which is now on course to be homeward bound, was stopped in Hawaii the morning of the earthquake.  Just hours before, Ahron checked into his hotel on liberty.  He called me at one in the morning with tsunami sirens blaring in the background.  He was fine, and I knew deep down he was going to be fine, but at the time I was absolutely nauseous with worry and anxiety.  The tsunami made its way through the Hawaiian islands and finally hit the West Coast, I felt relieved that it wouldn't go any farther then that but almost feel as if the world has changed and will never be the same when events like this happen.  The most terrifying thing to me, is that this kind of natural disaster can happen to anyone, anywhere, anytime.  Maybe not a tsunami, maybe not an earthquake...but a hurricane, a tornado, a wildfire.  Life is so precious and it's a reminder to not even take one single day for granted. 

As we near homecoming day it's been difficult to even function on a normal basis.  Getting out of bed is a challenge each morning and I fear I've been struggling with depression with everything that's going on in the world.  Or maybe it's just the fear and anxiety of having a husband again.  I've been trying very hard not to dwell on it but it's almost impossible not to. 

I do know that every day my children need me, and so I'm trying my very best to be attentive to them, to show them that I'm still in control and holding it together.  Sometimes it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.  Talking to Ahron made me feel so much better last week.  In regards to the disaster in Japan, he said this, "Babe.  You can't do anything about it.  You didn't cause it, and you can't do anything about it.  The only thing you can do is donate money at this point." 

It's so true and just what I needed to hear.  You can sit and dwell on the horror of it all, or you can take the opportunity to be proactive about it and do something to make this world a better place.  Really, that's a good lesson for this homecoming too.  Instead of being so worried/anxious, I can focus on all of the wonderful things that homecoming will bring to us.  And we all know that better days are ahead. 

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