Thursday, July 19, 2012

One Million Things to Say

And yet I've held off on writing this post because I somehow couldn't find the words.  Or bring myself to write about this even though it's now become part of who we are as a family, and despite the final outcome, will forever change our family in ways we don't even know yet. 

I was really nervous to attend the developmental pediatrician appointment for Miles last month.  But I decided to go forward with it, in hopes that she could really take a good look at everything we've been through with his speech and encourage me that he had improved and was on the track to "normalcy." 

Instead, after one doctor's visit with someone we've never met, we left with a tentative autism spectrum disorder diagnosis.  There was no confirmation of "Yes, your child is autistic."  I guess those were the words I would have expected to hear?  Instead she handed me the "Washington State Guide Book to Autism" and went over some different therapies with me, and said, "See you in six months." 

I left the office with Miles, crying my eyes out, confused at what had just went down.  I thought we were just going in for the initial developmental pediatrician meeting.  My thoughts and feelings were all over the place for the next few days. 

Now, one month later, I am still unsure of our diagnosis.  But for now, we've enrolled in the Navy's Exceptional Family Member Program and we'll soon be seeking a referral for a second opinion. 

I don't want to be the mom in denial.  We are treating this as if we had received an accurate diagnosis.  It's so much better to have access to services and end up not needing them, than to need them and not have them. 

I don't know if anyone reads this blog, but if you do, please say a prayer for Miles and for all of us as we embark down this road.


  1. tears are pouring down my face right now...You are an AMAZING mama! What i've learned with my own special girl is that diagnoses are only there to help you adjust your expectations and seek correct help...every child is unique and Miles will show you what he's capable of. A diagnosis or label can not limit doctor can tell you what the future holds...all they can do is give you an educated opinion based on symptoms you share and they aren't always right! If you ever want to talk give me a call or e-mail me at I will be praying for you and your family!