Projects To Do While Your Spouse Is Deployed

I thought it would be helpful to compile a list of projects to do while your spouse is deployed. If you're like me, you need distractions to keep your mind off of feeling lonely.

1. Buy and refinish an old piece of furniture.
I recently purchased a second hand dresser for my daughter's room. It's older and smells funny, but it's sturdy construction, and in decent shape. It's going to need to be stripped, sanded and repainted but once it's finished it's going to be a nice addition to her bedroom. The hard part about this is finding the time to work on a project like this without the kids, but with school starting again soon I should be able to work on it during my little guy's naptime.

2. Get a Netflix account and catch up on a television series
Let's face it...there's a lot of awesome TV out there that you don't always get to catch when your spouse is deployed. DVR has made it possible to record what you miss, but maybe there's an old TV show that you always wanted to watch or get into. For example, a lot of people started watching Lost but somewhere along the line of that epic series, lost interest or forgot to watch an episode and as a result were totally screwed by the story line when all was said and done. When it's late at night and your children are asleep and you have some down time, pop in a Netflix DVD and catch up.

3. Plan and carry out an event
Over the summer I became involved in helping to plan my 10-year high school reunion. It was great to reconnect with old friends and plan something other then meals and the cleaning schedule for myself and my children. I also felt a sense of accomplishment in planning and following through until the end result. Whether it's a community relations project or family event, don't be afraid to jump in the planning process and get your hands dirty.

4. Compile a reading list
Much like television, go over that backburner list of good books you've been wanting to read. A trip to your local library is free, and in your spare time or even 15 minutes before bed, pick up a good book. Again, another way to feel a sense of accomplishment when you finish a book, and you'll know what the heck everyone was talking about at that last party.

5. Set a weight loss or exercise goal, and stick to it
I've talked about this before in my previous posts but I think it's the best way to beat stress while your spouse is deployed. One time I made it all the way to our local YMCA, a good 25-minute drive from our home. I was unmotivated and tired and ready to turn around and go home, but one of the childcare ladies told me to go grab a magazine and sit on the bike for 30 minutes and just take a break. It wasn't the most sweat-a-riffic of workouts but it was a nice break and I caught up on all of my Hollywood gossip with an issue of US Weekly.

6. Become the Queen/King of Organization
Tackle one of those projects you've been saying you'll do forever. Arm yourself with a label gun, a bunch of those plastic bins and go clean out your garage/attic/closets. Studies show that less clutter=less stress.

What are some other things we can add to this list?

Crazy, busy month behind us!

I like to stay busy. Busy is good for me. In March I signed on the participate in the planning of my ten-year high school reunion. I figured it might be a good way to keep busy through the first part of deployment. As a side note, I swore up and down over the last ten years I would not attend my reunion. I was sort of a wallflower in high school. I was also a cheerleader, but it didn't really mean what it means now. I had zero self-confidence.

Yet I still got sucked into the planning process all the while, silently and internally kicking and screaming.

Unexpectedly, Tuesday night on July 27th, I was met by the news that my niece, Holly Elizabeth had arrived at the University of Washington hospital eight weeks early.
I was slated to leave on Friday and the so we packed up for a couple weeks stay in Yakima, Washington.

Did I mention I like to stay busy? I agreed to my sister-in-law's request of riding with her, along with our kids for a trip to the Woodland Zoo in Seattle. So back over the mountains we went.

The first week in town we kept busy taking my daughter to The Little Mermaid dance camp put on by the local dance studio. I tried my best to keep the house straightened up for my mom. Let's face it...three extra houseguests and a dog brings a lot more mess to the table, so to speak.

On Friday my daughter had her short recital, and on Saturday family and friends of Sonja (my brother's girlfriend and baby Holly's mom) came together for a baby shower. Already my second weekend in town and busy, crazy busy. The rest of the week was filled with seeing family and preparing for an even busier weekend. My Friday night was taken up with the reunion registration night. My Saturday was taken up with the family barbecue I was planning, my nephew's 1st birthday party, the evening reunion dance, and then Sunday concluded with a trip to Wenatchee, WA for a family wedding. It was insane. Absolutely insane, and I relied on energy shots to get me through. The reunion was a ball though.

Somewhere during the second week of our stay in Yakima, we received news that "our" ship would be returning to homeport. Although it wasn't completely unexpected, it threw off our schedule a little bit. Ahron and I both had mixed feelings about the return. It feels really ridiculous to start and then stop a deployment. After our previous, dramatic good-bye, we were expecting to be apart for quite a while. But we always try to remain flexible with schedule changes, and hey, that's just how it is in the military.

Ahron arrived home Tuesday evening, and I have to admit, it's nice to have him home and to have the help with the children. Right now, it's a very emotionally chaotic time in our lives. We are officially up to choose new orders in the spring. We're torn between staying here for an extra year, and moving on to a new location, most likely the East Coast. There's a couple of reasons we really want to stay here. 1)We just bought our house last year. 2)Daughter officially starts school on the 8th. 3)Family is here

For now the plan is to look into an extension and we're kind of just waiting to find out what's going to happen. Also, Ahron was up for Chief Petty Officer as I mentioned in a previous post, but he did not make the cut this year. But there's always next year. It's time for us to hold on tight, the ride is just about to get bumpy and scary. But somehow I know we'll come out all right in the end.

Seahorses slurp their food

Yesterday I finally made it to our local zoo. I've been wanting to take my daughter and my son since we moved out here. We used to take our daughter to the zoo in San Diego quite often, but as far as I can remember the only time my son went was when he was about two months old and my sister was down for a visit.

So, we packed up some cold ice water and sunblock (a day above 80, how exciting!) and headed out for a great day. I was able to find it fairly easy and we were considerably lucky finding decent parking. The sun rays shined down with considerable strength. My daughter kept calling them sun drops and made an attempt to stay in the shade. What I love about the zoo, at least the ones I've been to, is not only do you see some cool and exotic animals, but it always amounts to some level of exercise whether you were asking for it or not. We've recently ditched the stroller, so I knew that would make the trip more challenging but the stroller becomes a hindrance after a while.

Yes, I was the shameful mother who had her son in a harness, but don't be a hater. He is the perfect candidate for such a harness, since he wants to explore the world around him but has no understanding of danger or fear. He practically tried to jump into the water with the penguins, so that should give you an idea of his personality. The harness gave him a little wiggle room without getting too far ahead, and lost in the crowd, or one of the animal exhibits for that matter.

We made it in time for the wild animal show which turned out to be entertaining, and a smart way to wrap up our little excursion. My little guy giggled as the birds flew right over our heads. They also had a dog named "Harold" running back and forth across the stage which my son also took great delight with. When the dog made his debut, my son said, "Co-eee" which is what he calls our Australian Shepherd/Blue Heeler, Chloe.

On the ride back, I ended up utterly lost and since my phone died and I didn't have the car charger, I couldn't stop and find out where I was. I suppose it would have been smart to get out and ask for directions but because I didn't know what part of Tacoma I was in and since my mom raised me to be completely paranoid, I didn't stop. I ended up down by the water on Ruston Way which I recognized (thank you God for a great memory) because I had a birthday dinner out there two years ago. After just a couple of minutes I was back on the familiar I-5 route and on our way home.

I'm really glad I took the kids to the zoo yesterday. It helped break up the monotony of our routine, which is important for all of us. It's just the way we live life when Ahron is with us, and 10 days into this deployment I'm trying my best to keep things normal.

It's getting easier every day

Today we are officially one week done with this deployment. My mantra is beginning to make itself known, loud and clear.
Put your big girl boots on!
Thank you, Jacey Eckhart

I have discovered something very helpful out here, shared with me by another mom I met at the Y.

The Child Development Center has drop off daycare.
It took me almost two years to learn this, but nonetheless, I am thrilled.

So, I'm making a movie date for my daughter and me to see the new Ramona and Beezus movie. These were some of my favorite books as a little girl. When I heard they were making a movie, I picked up a couple of the books at our local Goodwill (Goodwill is a fabulous place to find books from your childhood!) and I read them to her over a series of weeks.

I've asked my husband to contribute rules to a list I will type up and tape to the refrigerator. My daughter and Lord knows my son aren't able to follow them so well by sheer memory, so having a visual reminder should help.

A couple of things I've changed since he left. Bedtime is now at 9:00 since it is still completely sunny at 8:00. Very hard to go to sleep when the sun is beating down through the blinds. We've been cutting down on computer and phone time although we still have a long way to go. Once the computer's shut down it's hard to resist the urge to go look something up randomly, but I figure that will fade with time. Plus it forces the little ones to think of something (gasp!) creative and imaginary to do with their time.

Lastly I'm trying to change our eating habits again. The starter items are buying organic meat and dairy, and no soda. I'm taking a cue from something I caught on television the other day that said, "don't buy anything that has ingredients that you can't pronounce." I thought that was pretty sound advice. It's amazing how many things claim to have 0 trans fat and then you read the label only to find partially hydrogenated soybean, or various other kinds of oil. I'm not a health nut by any means, you won't catch me eating fruit for dessert. But I truly believe that small changes can lead to a healthier lifestyle.

Overall, it was a really quick week and I'm grateful that I've been fairly busy. That's one week closer to being done.

On Edge

I am on edge for a couple of reasons.
1. The chief results will be out in about three weeks. Every year for the past three years, my husband has been given the opportunity to take an exam that makes him eligible for the E-7 ranking. For those that don't know how the enlisted military ranking system works, you start out as an E-1 and work your way up to E-9.

More info here

Anyway, this is officially his second time being eligible to have his record looked at by a selection board out in Millington, TN. The chances are slim this year. They are only advancing 16 people in his rating. 16 people who probably have more years in the Navy then him (though that's not the only thing that counts), more seniority and more experience. However, he's busted his butt to make it this far in 10 years. Wish I could be on that selection board and that how you rate as a husband and father meant something. He would have made chief long ago! I'm dying to know the results and trying to remember that patience is a virtue. If we don't make it, fine, onto the next year. I just want to know already!

2. I can't believe it's happening but starting next month, we are up for new orders. Ideally, we'd like to stay here because our daughter is starting school and we just bought a house last year that we love. So, if a spot opens up for us to stay here we will take it. If not, we have an open mind as long as we can stay in the United States. But, again, not much we can do until August when we get our look at what spots are out there and can submit our request.

Looking at the date, I can't believe it's only been three days since my husband left. Things are going okay so far. We're still trying to decide what to do to count the days. In 2008 we cut out hearts each week and glued them on our welcome home poster. My daughter is set on doing that again but I'm trying to convince her sailboats would be cuter. Looks like a trip to the craft store will be happening soon.

Good-bye

The sky above was clear and full of stars. Pretty unusual for Western Washington State. We lifted our sleeping children, warm from the comfort of their beds, and buckled them into their car seats. It was 3:25am. The drive there was mostly quiet, with a little bit of meaningless conversation. The fan blew cool air and we could still smell the saltwater from the Sinclair Inlet.

The drive seemed short in one way, long in another. Then, we arrived under the glow of the red Target sign. The carpool van grumbled to life, ready to make its' journey to Everett.

Ahron quickly loaded his seabag and sleeping bag into the van. He walked back to hug us. We hugged for a long time. After the moment, I sat into the driver's seat, and adjusted the seat and mirrors for myself and myself alone.

In their sleepy state, Miles whined, his feeble attempt at expressing his three-year old sorrow. Elaine's head dropped down, and she began sobbing softly. I drove home with blurry eyes. When we came home I put both of them in my bed and we talked about fun things we would do that day. Elaine sniffled every couple of minutes and Miles couldn't get comfortable. After about one hour, they finally fell asleep.
It was a sad good-bye.

Fit for Duty

A lifetime ago I went off to Navy's Recruit Training Command (read: boot camp) and transformed into the best physical shape of my life. Now it's ten years and two children later. Plus 25 pounds. I could cry.

25 pounds on my petite 5' 1" frame is a lot of extra weight. One of the biggest blessings about deployment is I always seem to lose a little bit of weight running after two children and a very wild dog on my own. And, let's face it, we eat much healthier when my husband is not around. For all of the wonderful things he's provided our family, healthy eating is not one of them. He loves food. Rich, decadent, flavorful food, and he's sucked me into the void of gourmet eating.

The difference between this being okay for him and not for me, is that he is required to meet the Navy's physical fitness standards every six months. I don't have a recruit training commander shouting in my face to push me anymore. It's just me.

Being a military wife is difficult for a lot of reasons. Many of us sacrifice our health to take care of home and family first. So it's vitally important for me to have high energy levels to get through each day.

I want this deployment to be different. This deployment, I want to lose the weight and maintain it when he comes back. My starting goal is to lose ten pounds. No deadline. Just ten pounds. Most of all I want exercise to be the one thing I can run to when I am stressed. Having a new dog in the house has also helped. I'm looking forward to taking her and the kids on some easy hikes.

If you're a military wife looking to lose weight and be "fit for duty," my own personal advice would be to join your local gym, or better yet, YMCA. Find a gym with great childcare and programs for children. We are worth it to take good physical care of ourselves.

Memories for the long haul

We had the most incredible vacation together as a family this past week.

We didn't do anything extraordinary, or travel anywhere exotic. We didn't blow thousands of dollars on airfare, lodging or food. It was me, Ahron, our two children and even our rambunctious dog Chloe.

This vacation was about us being together as a family, enjoying each other's company, seeing the ones we love and for Ahron, saying good-bye for a little while.

We spent our first 3.5 days in Yakima. Ahron and I planned to go see a movie together. We started out at the Second Street Grill and ended up doing a wine tasting event at Gilbert Cellars. I think it worked out better then the movie.

We laughed after the server brought us each wine sample (bless her heart for putting up with our wine naivete), trying to figure out how each different wine contains notes and hints of seemingly absurd flavors like stainless steel, oak, bacon and stone. In the end I felt like the people who actually decide how these wines should be described may be suffering from pica or something.

On the 4th of July we celebrated with a good old-fashioned family barbecue complete with my mother's infamous strawberry flag cake. Like every exciting life event, my five-year old decided to sleep through the fireworks. We could not wake her for anything, so instead I was able to enjoy the excitement of my four-year old nephew as the fireworks lit up the sky.

Tuesday we headed out across the state to Long Beach, Washington. At 28, for the first time in my life I finally traveled through White Pass in Washington. The drive, though a bit windy at times, was incredible. It makes me realize how lucky I am to live in the one of the most scenic places on this earth. Makes everything painful somehow bearable.

We spent two wonderful days at a cottage in Long Beach. The weather was amazing. Food and drink were plentiful. Running around after our children and our dog on the beach was exhausting, but happy-exhausting. I loved watching their reactions and the joy on their faces as we built our first beach campfire, roasted marshmallows and watched fireworks shoot through the cold night air. I'm pretty sure Ahron felt the same way.

Now the vacation is almost over. Ahron's begun packing and it's hit us that this deployment train is leaving full speed ahead in just a couple of days. Though it's scary to know that hard days lie ahead, I feel comfort in knowing that our children know they are loved and that we will still be a family.

Now that's entertainment

Yesterday had to have been the most entertaining car ride home from the YMCA ever.
My five-year old daughter was lollygagging her way to the car. My three-year old son was asking if he could ride in his sister's chair. I let him when she's not around. It's a five-point harness, high back booster, very safe. Since she was not listening to me, I let him sit there, and made her sit in his chair.

Now anyone who knows my five year old knows that she completely despises change. Which is kind of funny, considering we're a military family. So imagine the horror that ensued when I let her brother ride in her car seat for the 25 minute journey home, while she had to ride in her brother's car seat.

Now, a note about my son's seat. It used to be hers. It is spacious, cushioned, and has a headrest. She rode in it happily for two years. In fact, when we bought her this newer, high back booster, she hated it and cried for her old seat back. I didn't think too much of it.

So off we went from the YMCA in Bremerton and the tears started flowing almost immediately. First she tried to reason with me. Mine is better because because because, fill in blank here. Tears. Then she began asking me if we could stop and change seats. More tears when I told her no. I explained to her why she was in her brother's seat and what led her toward her punishment. Continued tears.

Then the worst of the worst things happened that could possibly happen in her little happy world. She noticed a tiny (and I mean tiny!) black and yellow spider crawling between the two seats. At first she thought it was a fly but when she tried to kick it with her shoe and she realized it didn't move, the fact came to light it was a spider. I flipped my rearview mirror up so I could watch this scene unfold.

Still tears, and then came a series of bloodcurdling screams.
"AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!"

The spider, which had beel still for a couple of moments, started moving.
"AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! MOMMY! IT'S MOVING TOWARD ME!"
AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

We took the ramp heading toward Gorst and I was laughing so hard tears were forming in my eyes. I felt a little bit like the Cruella DeVille of Moms, but this was just plain funny.

Then Miles, who likes to imitate his big sister, began screaming too, adding to the hilarity.

"Pull over! Pull over!" She begged me. At this point the spider (did I mention how minuscule this thing was?) had crawled right above her head while she looked up in terror, still screaming. "Close your mouth!" I advised her above the screaming.

Driving around Gorst is really dangerous. It's one long continuous curve for about 10 minutes, and people tend to speed, so I didn't want to pull off quickly and cause an accident. So tears...more screaming. Finally, I was able to pull into a gas station. She calmed down as soon as I slowed down. Once I opened the door that dang spider jumped down from the ceiling of the car into the window, then jumped down behind the car seat. I couldn't kill it, but for the time being, peace was restored to the car.

As we continued the rest of the ten minute drive home, Elaine in her most dramatic fashion softly cried, "This is the worst day ever. First seats, then spider."

I had to admit, I didn't know my simple act of discipline was going to torture my poor daughter into hyperventilation for the ride home. But she definitely learned her lesson. I promised her I would never make her switch car seats again, and she seemed comforted by that promise.

Elaine, who is currently sitting on my lap as I type this, says this is how we should end the story. "When we got home, we felt better, and we had lunch, and after that, we got push pop ice creams." This is the truth and I can attest to it.

You know that old saying, "Life is about the journey, not the destination." That's the wonderful thing about parenthood. It was a silly little moment, but I'll probably remember it forever.

Preparation

Thought it was time for a little update. Having Ahron home has been both wonderful and stressful. We have not had a lot of alone time together and the routine has been very busy with end of the year school activities, and since the weather's been a bit nicer we've just been planning more outings in general.

My wonderful husband. He's been cooking dinner, doing chores around the house, checking off the honey-do list, and being the best Daddy to our little ones. I'm very proud to be his wife, because not only is he serving our nation, he is truly the head of our household and we're really going to miss him when he's gone.

I always tell him when he's home his presence is so big, the home atmosphere changes. When he's gone you can really tell something is missing.

Right now we have a lot of preparation to accomplish before he leaves. We go through the motions, void of emotion. If we choose to wear our heart on our sleeves, deployment makes things much more difficult.

For the moment, we are trying to squeeze a date in, and it will be an early celebration of our 8th anniversary. Our anniversary is actually in October, but what better excuse to get a sitter, dine together, catch a flick, and get a chance to reconnect. We need to be our strongest now for what is to come.