Thursday, February 16, 2012

February

Over half way done now and exactly two weeks until I'm reunited with my sweetheart.  The awful, but typical winter weather has been contributing to my sadness and isolation but now I can see the light at the end of this long, strange journey we've been on for the last four years. 

The USS Deployed will be pulling into port for an extended maintenance period where we get to work on marriage, build our family life and repair what has been broken.

The last two months have been an emotional release for me.  No longer can I contain feelings which have been bottled up, bobbing along stormy seas for the last few years.  It's all coming to a crest and I think that's why this final separation has been so incredibly difficult for me.

Yesterday I just needed encouragement.  I needed to be acknowledged somehow.  As I've said before in this online journal, encouragement can come in very strange places.  After some time in prayer, I logged onto the Virginian Pilot and revisited a columnist by the name of Jacey Eckhart.  She is a great voice for mil spouses. 

I came across this column:
http://hamptonroads.com/2010/06/military-spouses-deserve-recognition-elicits-pride-instead-groans

As usual, she hit it spot on.  She cleared away the foggy isolation window and gave me a moment of clarity.  In that moment, I acknowledged that our life is not normal.  And that it's hard.  It's really hard sometimes and it's okay to admit that.  It's okay to need help and encouragement.   While some people consider it weak to seek help through whatever sustains them be it faith or family, I see it as incredibly courageous, and I feel sorry for that person's misguided thinking.  Of course we know that we can find unbelievable strength deep within ourselves, but remember that movie About a Boy?  Remember that quote from the movie, "no man is an island." 

I just looked it up and it's a part of a passage by John Donne.

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.  


I guess what I just want to put out there today... is to think about this from two perspectives.  If you are hurting, or going through something, don't be afraid to ask for help.  Remember help can come in many different forms and places.  And if you see a friend or family member, or an acquaintance struggling through a life issue, be there for them!  Treat them to coffee, have a conversation with them, recommend a book that got you through a hard time.  Just don't sit back and let them struggle.  Be part of something bigger than yourself.  In the end, we'll all be better people for it. 

Sunday, January 29, 2012

So...

I'm trying to find my way out this January funk I've been in.  I've still been quite weepy and emotional the past few weeks but at least, at least we are nearly halfway done with the final separation. 

And, on a good note, my mom is coming on Thursday to come hang out with me for the whole weekend, yay!  I haven't seen her since Christmas so I'm looking forward to some mother/daughter time. 

Last night I took my kiddos to see Chipwrecked on base.  I've never been to the base theater (well, except for last Saturday when we showed up an hour and a half early for Happy Feet 2).  The movie was eh....okay.  I liked the first two better.  I love Jason Lee who plays Dave Seville though.  I'm glad he stuck it out for the third installment. 

Earlier in the day, I watched an incredible movie which might have been my favorite movie of the last year.  It was called "Midnight in Paris" and it stars Owen Wilson and Rachel McAdams. 

In the movie, Wilson plays Gil Pender, a popular screenwriter engaged to McAdams character.  They are vacationing in France when Gil starts lamenting about the current time frame he lives in.  Then one night, he decides to walk home and at midnight he is transported back into the 1920's in Paris where he rubs elbows with Gertrude Stein, T.S. Eliot, Salvador Dali, Ernest Hemingway, Picasso, Cole Porter, Zelda and Scott Fitzgerald.  Truly some of the greatest artists/writers/musicians of our time!

 I loved the movie for two reasons.  One, I can certainly empathize with Gil Pender's character and wanting to live in a different time, or feeling like you weren't born in the right time.  Two, I love that he has to confront his reality and change his situation proactively instead of just sitting on the sidelines of his life.  I was inspired by this.  It made me think a lot about my life and where it's been lately. 

Anyway, that's my latest update.  Working on it, working through it!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

God

I'm so glad I have a relationship with God.  This is not a religious rant.  It's not me up on my soapbox or any kind of better than thou post. 

But I am so lonely through so many of these separations.  Yet I'm not alone because my Creator is with me.  I speak to him freely, I release my emotions to Him often.  When I do not the emotions become a burden and I don't want that for me or my precious children.  Life is already hard enough to bear the burden of overwhelming emotions too. 

No life, no marriage, is easy or perfect.  I'm grateful and thankful for what I do have.  And I can't wait to feel the sun on my face again. 

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Sometimes

Sometimes the blessings in my life overwhelm me, inspire me and keep me moving forward.

39 more days

Monday, January 16, 2012

Mean Mommy

I hate having to wear my mean mommy hat but we're dealing with hitting at the moment.  I had to take away all of Miles' bowling pins, his beloved new Christmas toy and he's been crying for his bowling sets but hitting in our house is just plain unacceptable. 

We also ordered a book on Amazon.com called Hands are Not for Hitting.  I figure if I read it to every night for a couple of weeks it will hopefully drive home the point.  I'm not sure if he's picking it up at school or it's just one of those random phases.  Sure does test my patience though. 

On the flip side, hands are fun for shadow puppets.  And I promised Lainie I would learn some new ones for bedtime :)  Maybe this link will be helpful for us
http://www.apples4theteacher.com/holidays/ground-hog-day/hand-shadows/

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Today

Amongst the rain and snow mix of the Northwest this morning, I am absolutely feeling the deepest aches of separation in the military. 

It isn't just the separation, but I am in such a bad place in my life, emotionally.  I feel void of a purpose and feel overwhelmed with where to start looking for one. 

Some people can throw their all into being a mother.  While that may work well for them, I haven't had a baby in almost five years and now both of mine are off to school.  On the brink of stepping into my thirties, I'm not sure I want to start all over again with the motherhood thing.  And having a third baby means committing to the full-time job of motherhood, which isn't a problem for me but Ahron has not expressed any desire to have more children so we're out of sync on that subject. 

I want to find part-time work, something that will enable me to use my skills again.  However, I'm so worried about finding the right care for both of my children.  In our uprooted household I want to keep the stress of altering their routine to a minimum.  If I don't start working, I'm looking for some volunteer opportunities.  Maybe need to visit the state Vet's home around the corner since my emails have gone unanswered. 

I know I have the power to change things, it's just easier to get lost in the loneliness and negative feelings.  I'm hoping I have the strength to change things soon because right now everything seems so bleak. 

Monday, January 2, 2012

New Year, final separation begins

Ahhh, familiar territory we are in this morning. We always have to drop Ahron off at some unGodly hour of the morning when he leaves. Of course the kids are confused and half-asleep so they cried on the way home. When we woke up this morning though, everyone was in better spirits. The house is way too quiet without Ahron and I feel slightly down though. Luckily I have a couple of projects on the horizon to keep me busy.

Ahron flies to New York City where he'll have a layover, and then he should arrive in Baltimore around 7pm EST. We found out that he'll likely be staying in the original barracks that we met and fell in love in. The Navy barracks were recently remodeled. I'm sure it will bring back many memories for him. One of the things I always loved was that it was right across the street from the chapel.

It's strange though. We started sea duty with a C-school in which he left in January 2008 and now we're starting shore duty almost three years later to the day with another C-school. I guess in a way we've come full circle. That's all for today. I'm going to spend the day taking it easy and spend time with my babies who need me.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Christmas time 2011!

We've had a wonderful time building up the excitement and anticipation to Christmas this year. 

I feel so sad when I think about our shipmates and families on the USS Abraham Lincoln who will miss yet another Christmas together. 

Still, many Army Soldiers are coming home to their families and it's a joyous time for them.

WELCOME HOME TO OUR TROOPS!!

The past couple of weeks we've been busy shopping and preparing for Christmas in my hometown of Yakima.  It will be nice to visit family and eat lots of amazing food.

I'm sure it will be even more fun working off said amazing food after vacation. 

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.  Peace and Goodwill to all!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Sharing With You: USS Abraham Lincoln coverage from HeraldNet

The Herald, the Everett and Snohomish area newspaper did a lovely farewell piece on the USS Abraham Lincoln leaving its homeport after 15 years in the area. 

Please think of all of the families on the ship that will endure another Christmas apart for the second year in a row.  Our hearts go out to all of them, and after 3.5 years assigned to this ship we are ready for some shore duty. 

Good-Bye Lincoln

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Sailor-of-the-Year and Stand down is finally here!

We have had an absolute whirlwind couple of weeks. 

It all started when Ahron came home announced that he was up for Senior Sailor of the Year and his board would be on Halloween.

For Senior Sailor of the Year, Ahron competed against six other amazing, stand-out Sailors.  He was nervous going into the board, where he was asked certain questions by a panel of various Chiefs, as well as required to recite the Sailor's Creed.  But, in the end, he felt he did well and spoke honestly and from his heart.

Shortly after the board, he found out the results would be announced at the upcoming holiday party that Thursday.  Monday to Thursday.  And since he told me when Monday was almost over, I went into panic mode. 

We hadn't planned on attending the holiday party for three reasons.  One, the tickets were $50 too expensive and we're trying to save for Christmas.  Two, the drive is long to Everett (2 hours) and three, Lainie had school the next morning. 

But two days, a new dress and a haircut later, we were ready to go on Thursday afternoon.  The holiday party was fun and I'm really glad we went.  The food at Tulalip Casino was amazing as usual.  We had a couple of drinks and I taught Ahron how to do the Cupid Shuffle, ha!  The time came to announce Senior Sailor of the Year.  By this time we were exhausted and we wanted to get going for the long drive home, but it was worth the wait.  Ahron was chosen as the Senior Sailor of the Year for his aircraft carrier!

It was definitely a surprise for him.  MC's rarely get awarded this.  I was absolutely beaming inside and out, I was so proud of him.  This award was really a reflection of all of the hardships of the last 3.5 years at sea. 
Here's a photo taken of us:

And then this one of Ahron accepting his plaque from his Captain, John Alexander.


It was a great moment in his, well, I consider it "our" career.  Being a military family is truly a group effort.  The arms of the group stretch from my parents, to his siblings, to our children (among many others) and of course, the great God we serve.  God has truly given us the greatest of all blessings, and now as we look forward to this stand down and family time I hope we can share blessings with others around us.