Tuesday, January 10, 2012


Amongst the rain and snow mix of the Northwest this morning, I am absolutely feeling the deepest aches of separation in the military. 

It isn't just the separation, but I am in such a bad place in my life, emotionally.  I feel void of a purpose and feel overwhelmed with where to start looking for one. 

Some people can throw their all into being a mother.  While that may work well for them, I haven't had a baby in almost five years and now both of mine are off to school.  On the brink of stepping into my thirties, I'm not sure I want to start all over again with the motherhood thing.  And having a third baby means committing to the full-time job of motherhood, which isn't a problem for me but Ahron has not expressed any desire to have more children so we're out of sync on that subject. 

I want to find part-time work, something that will enable me to use my skills again.  However, I'm so worried about finding the right care for both of my children.  In our uprooted household I want to keep the stress of altering their routine to a minimum.  If I don't start working, I'm looking for some volunteer opportunities.  Maybe need to visit the state Vet's home around the corner since my emails have gone unanswered. 

I know I have the power to change things, it's just easier to get lost in the loneliness and negative feelings.  I'm hoping I have the strength to change things soon because right now everything seems so bleak. 

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