Saturday, July 15, 2017

When your spouse deploys

One of the hardest thing about a spouse deploying is that not only do you lose your physical connection and all of the wonder and intimacy that comes with having a life partner, but you also lose your emotional connection.

I don't know about others but I'm a very internal person, full of thoughts daily and I miss having Ahron here to share them with.  No matter how asinine or creative, he is there to hear my thoughts and listen to me.  "Hey what if we had this at our pizza place?  You know what song is in my head right now?  I had this weird dream this morning..."

I find myself already longing for those fun conversations, and also the deep conversations, even it just amounts to sleepily saying "I love you," as we fall asleep.

All this to say, I feel incredibly vulnerable because I need someone to have these conversations with, especially after 16 years of marriage.  This is our last deployment, it has to be because I can't lose that anymore.  I know the drill, and with reintegration we will get our connection back but a smidge part of me worries about growing too much separately or just growing apart.

Last week the ship was inport and we were able to Skype twice.  I felt surprised by the rebounding energy our Skype call gave me and it gave me hope and for a quick moment, it gave me my best friend back.  

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