It was like deja vu the other day dropping Ahron off at Target again in the early morning hours.
Now we're trying to establish a good family groove. This time, deployment comes with a really big change in the mix. My daughter is starting Kindergarten on Monday.
For the last couple of months I've felt okay about it. Then we attended her orientation yesterday morning and it all began to feel really overwhelming. I think for her, it will be fun each day to have somewhere to go. She seems excited. Later in the evening after the orientation, we picked up the rest of her school supplies. Note to self: Do not attempt to buy school supplies after all the other schools have started. It was slim pickens' out there and I had to go to three different stores to get what I needed. Packing her backpack made it all seem real.
Yesterday was a rough day for us. Somewhere in between the orientation and the trip to get school supplies the kids got in huge trouble for spilling yogurt on my very light beige living room carpet just two weeks after I had it professionally cleaned. One of our rules is no yogurt in the living room so I couldn't understand why no one listened to me and of course. it was dropped leaving a two foot streak of pink and yellow yogurt. I'm not sure if the week's emotions got the best of me, but I was seething, which transformed into yelling. which transformed to the kids getting sent to their rooms for one hour, plus, no snacks or dessert for the rest of the day.
After the whole incident was over and we came home from the store, things were much better and I felt slightly guilty for being so angry. Ahron wrote me from an e-mail and said I had a right to feel angry.
He and I have recently had discussions about ther term military brats as it applies to our own children. It is so hard to not want to give your child everything you can provide when the other parent is not able to be present. But any wise parent knows that you can't give your child things to be happy and substitute for lonliness. Instead, give them your time and attention and love. Remembering this, yesterday I played play-doh with the little ones and then we spent some time outside in the evening, playing fetch with the dog and trying to teach her a new command. The fresh air did us all a bit of good. I know today will be a better day.