Dreams

Over the last two nights I've been having really strange dreams about my husband.

Once upon a time, I used to put a lot of stock into what my dreams meant.  I would scour the dream dictionaries on the 'net, looking for answers, not realizing it was probably because I ate one too many hot Cheetos too close to bedtime.

Now I take a more realistic approach when I have strange dreams.  I've often had this recurring dream when my husband is away.  I dream that we've broken up, and that I'm going around to all of my ex-boyfriends trying to figure out if we're supposed to be together. 

I always feel immense sadness that Ahron and I are no longer together and I feel confused and lost.  I feel like the little bird in Are You My Mother?
The strangest part of all is, I never know what Ahron and I are status-wise.  It feels like marriage, but in the dream we are only dating or engaged. 

When I wake up, I'm always so relieved that it's a dream.  I've shared this with Ahron before and he never fails to remind me how important our marriage is to him, and that he would never do anything to jeopardize that.  Even though it's just a silly dream I appreciate him taking the time to make me feel secure in our marriage, no matter how far apart we might be. 

Crazy as it seems, I've also woken up from a bad dream about him, and I feel anger toward him, even though he hasn't done anything to me.  I guess the distance can be a good thing in those cases.  Overall, I know the dreams are just an outlet for the feelings of loneliness and resentment I experience through the deployment. 

I know that in the end, in reality, he'll come back to me.  That's sweeter then any bad dream I might have.