Sharing With You

Date Night

This blog title has two meanings. Last night, I watched the movie Date Night with Steve Carrell, and Tina Fey. I've been wanting to see this movie for awhile. I wanted to see it with Ahron when it came out in the theaters but life always gets in the way somehow and we missed it. I love Steve Carrell and I can honestly say, it's the hardest I'd laughed since he left almost one month ago.

Also, tonight is military date night at our local YMCA! I am dropping my children off so I can go down the street to get a haircut. Should be a great day.

I wrote in an email to my husband yesterday, "As our anniversary nears I can't help but feel a little bit of sadness that we're apart." Tuesday, October 5th will be eight years since our wedding day. Our wedding day was a happy, wonderful, perfect fall day in Yakima. I'm so grateful that I met him and despite the hardships of the life we live, we are indeed very blessed.

I'm working on a new project for our children and I'll post pictures of what it is in a couple of days.

A Life Experience

Sunday night, I attended a concert by the great artist Jennifer Knapp. This is something I've been wanting to do for nine years, when I first began to know her music and she performed at King's Dominion in Virginia. At the time I was stationed in Fort Meade, Maryland and just beginning to explore Christian music. Jennifer no longer affiliates with CCM but when her new album was released this past spring, I was so thrilled she was back from her hiatus, I purchased it from iTunes with fervor.

As I listened to her music I was pleased to hear her familiar voice, melodious and rich with intensity and passion. Her passion is what makes her music, and her faith, and it's what makes her great. I feel as if her music has carried me through so many good and bad parts of my life.

Anyway, fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, I found out she was performing in Seattle at the Hard Rock Cafe. My wonderful cousin Corinne was able to watch my children for the evening so I could attend the concert.

When I arrived at the Hard Rock I had to use the restroom right away after that long drive from my neck of the woods. As I went in, I spotted Jennifer right away, just a couple of feet from the restrooms. Had to contain my excitement and not run up to hug her or shake her hand. So did not want to be super, creepy fan.

The concert began soon after and it was surreal. Seeing this talented musician was amazing, but most of all hearing her lovely notes and lyrics ended up being a night I'll never forget for the rest of my life.

Being a military wife can be difficult at times because it's easy to get so caught up in caring for others. So many times over the years I've passed up life experiences and amazing opportunities. I wanted this one time, this one concert and night to be different. And it was. I'm really grateful that I was able to go.

http://www.jenniferknapp.com/

Low

Today was not a good day. It began with promise, but ended poorly.

In the afternoon I had a bad interaction with a checker at Costco and I lost it. I managed to whisk the kids back into the safety and quiet of our car and then the tears fell freely. I've been on the verge of tears on and off again since that moment.

I don't know why. I guess the reality has truly set in for me. I've been mostly busy and sometimes emotions just hit you at the most inconvenient of times. I don't feel strong enough to endure this. I'm lonely but I'm not alone. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Chaos

So the ball is rolling on the changes in our household and that has been both good and bad for me. I like having a routine, but I honestly thought the hardest part would be helping my daughter adjust to the routine and I was surprised when I actually had to take a moment to adjust too. You'd think this would be like putting on an old hat for me, the whole "new routine thing," but sometimes it just sneaks up on me.

Somewhere on the third day of Kindergarten I started to get a little sad that this is our new normal. Shuffling out the door so very early to catch the bus on time, wondering what my daughter is doing, talking about, learning. I'm running errands with my favorite son or going to the gym, or straightening up in a much too quiet house. It's been a long week for all of us, as evidenced by the fact that my daughter almost fell asleep during circle time this morning. She was exhausted as we walked home from the bus stop in the early afternoon and I'm glad she'll get to sleep in tomorrow.

Last night she was obviously tired before falling asleep but she cried and cried for her Daddy. I promised we'd get right on sending his first care package and I'm hopeful for a call this weekend. We've been emailing a lot this week, working through some issues that he had at work. He also had a huge victory by finally earning his Air Warfare pin.

In short, I've felt an array of emotions this week, sad, scared, angry, proud, excited, nervous, lonely...but I guess that's part of it all. No one goes through a deployment with a permanent smile applied to their face. We fall, we bounce back and my mantra, we keep moving forward. I think I'll say that to myself before I drift off to sleep tonight.

Thoughts on cleaning

I admit it. I love that show Hoarders. Even though I feel sad for those individuals who clearly suffer from a mental illness, at the same time, I can't stop watching. It's like one of those car wrecks you pass by and you just can't help but strain your neck to look.

After I watch it, I always start to look around my house afterward wondering if I am keeping things that I really don't need. Let's face it, I have a junk drawer. But it's still functioning as a drawer, not just a faux cabinet. We have a fairly small house for a family of four, and so I feel like I'm constantly clearing out junk and organizing. From my children's bedrooms to the linen closet, there is always something to get rid of.

The past couple of months I've been working on my garage (also a good "to-do" project from my recent post) which has been a huge job of sorting, washing, selling and shipping. I try to remember that if I was able to live out of three shallow drawers in the Navy at one point in time, I'm quite capable of reducing clutter and living simply. Google Image "coffin locker" to see the inside of ship rack to see where you get to store your personal items on a Navy ship. Of course now I have two little ones and they come with their own things, but still, I have to keep that mindset.

Anyway, I'm having a bit of a tough time keeping up on the cleaning so far since Ahron has left. The dishes are getting done, trash is being taken out, lots of vacuuming going on but one of Ahron's big things was to pick up toys with our daughter each night before he put the little ones to bed. It was just one of those awesome things he did to make our night more relaxing and I miss that. I tend to pick up toys in the morning since I usually vacuum then. And it never bothered me before. But man, oh man, I tell you, when I got up to go to bed this evening I felt a little overwhelmed. I'm hoping that with my first-born now in Kindergarten the house will stay a little bit cleaner during the day.

Finding that pesky groove

It was like deja vu the other day dropping Ahron off at Target again in the early morning hours.
Now we're trying to establish a good family groove. This time, deployment comes with a really big change in the mix. My daughter is starting Kindergarten on Monday.

For the last couple of months I've felt okay about it. Then we attended her orientation yesterday morning and it all began to feel really overwhelming. I think for her, it will be fun each day to have somewhere to go. She seems excited. Later in the evening after the orientation, we picked up the rest of her school supplies. Note to self: Do not attempt to buy school supplies after all the other schools have started. It was slim pickens' out there and I had to go to three different stores to get what I needed. Packing her backpack made it all seem real.

Yesterday was a rough day for us. Somewhere in between the orientation and the trip to get school supplies the kids got in huge trouble for spilling yogurt on my very light beige living room carpet just two weeks after I had it professionally cleaned. One of our rules is no yogurt in the living room so I couldn't understand why no one listened to me and of course. it was dropped leaving a two foot streak of pink and yellow yogurt. I'm not sure if the week's emotions got the best of me, but I was seething, which transformed into yelling. which transformed to the kids getting sent to their rooms for one hour, plus, no snacks or dessert for the rest of the day.

After the whole incident was over and we came home from the store, things were much better and I felt slightly guilty for being so angry. Ahron wrote me from an e-mail and said I had a right to feel angry.

He and I have recently had discussions about ther term military brats as it applies to our own children. It is so hard to not want to give your child everything you can provide when the other parent is not able to be present. But any wise parent knows that you can't give your child things to be happy and substitute for lonliness. Instead, give them your time and attention and love. Remembering this, yesterday I played play-doh with the little ones and then we spent some time outside in the evening, playing fetch with the dog and trying to teach her a new command. The fresh air did us all a bit of good. I know today will be a better day.

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!
Wait...huh? It's not Thanksgiving, you say? Well, in our home, today is Thanksgiving. We have a big, beautiful turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans, rolls and stuffing. I'm on the hunt for a pumpkin pie after church.

I got this idea the other day while we were grocery shopping. Since Ahron is going to be missing out this year, what better day to hold our own Thanksgiving then today? It's his last day off before the big "D," the Puget Sound rain is at bay and the air smells crisp and like autumn. I'm going to dust off that beautiful wedding silverware and my mismatched set of china, set the table with a real tablecloth and pour the little ones some sparkling cider.

Remember God's bounty in the year. String the pearls of His favor. Hide the dark parts, except so far as they are breaking out in light! Give this one day to thanks, to joy, to gratitude!--Henry Ward Beecher

Projects To Do While Your Spouse Is Deployed

I thought it would be helpful to compile a list of projects to do while your spouse is deployed. If you're like me, you need distractions to keep your mind off of feeling lonely.

1. Buy and refinish an old piece of furniture.
I recently purchased a second hand dresser for my daughter's room. It's older and smells funny, but it's sturdy construction, and in decent shape. It's going to need to be stripped, sanded and repainted but once it's finished it's going to be a nice addition to her bedroom. The hard part about this is finding the time to work on a project like this without the kids, but with school starting again soon I should be able to work on it during my little guy's naptime.

2. Get a Netflix account and catch up on a television series
Let's face it...there's a lot of awesome TV out there that you don't always get to catch when your spouse is deployed. DVR has made it possible to record what you miss, but maybe there's an old TV show that you always wanted to watch or get into. For example, a lot of people started watching Lost but somewhere along the line of that epic series, lost interest or forgot to watch an episode and as a result were totally screwed by the story line when all was said and done. When it's late at night and your children are asleep and you have some down time, pop in a Netflix DVD and catch up.

3. Plan and carry out an event
Over the summer I became involved in helping to plan my 10-year high school reunion. It was great to reconnect with old friends and plan something other then meals and the cleaning schedule for myself and my children. I also felt a sense of accomplishment in planning and following through until the end result. Whether it's a community relations project or family event, don't be afraid to jump in the planning process and get your hands dirty.

4. Compile a reading list
Much like television, go over that backburner list of good books you've been wanting to read. A trip to your local library is free, and in your spare time or even 15 minutes before bed, pick up a good book. Again, another way to feel a sense of accomplishment when you finish a book, and you'll know what the heck everyone was talking about at that last party.

5. Set a weight loss or exercise goal, and stick to it
I've talked about this before in my previous posts but I think it's the best way to beat stress while your spouse is deployed. One time I made it all the way to our local YMCA, a good 25-minute drive from our home. I was unmotivated and tired and ready to turn around and go home, but one of the childcare ladies told me to go grab a magazine and sit on the bike for 30 minutes and just take a break. It wasn't the most sweat-a-riffic of workouts but it was a nice break and I caught up on all of my Hollywood gossip with an issue of US Weekly.

6. Become the Queen/King of Organization
Tackle one of those projects you've been saying you'll do forever. Arm yourself with a label gun, a bunch of those plastic bins and go clean out your garage/attic/closets. Studies show that less clutter=less stress.

What are some other things we can add to this list?

Crazy, busy month behind us!

I like to stay busy. Busy is good for me. In March I signed on the participate in the planning of my ten-year high school reunion. I figured it might be a good way to keep busy through the first part of deployment. As a side note, I swore up and down over the last ten years I would not attend my reunion. I was sort of a wallflower in high school. I was also a cheerleader, but it didn't really mean what it means now. I had zero self-confidence.

Yet I still got sucked into the planning process all the while, silently and internally kicking and screaming.

Unexpectedly, Tuesday night on July 27th, I was met by the news that my niece, Holly Elizabeth had arrived at the University of Washington hospital eight weeks early.
I was slated to leave on Friday and the so we packed up for a couple weeks stay in Yakima, Washington.

Did I mention I like to stay busy? I agreed to my sister-in-law's request of riding with her, along with our kids for a trip to the Woodland Zoo in Seattle. So back over the mountains we went.

The first week in town we kept busy taking my daughter to The Little Mermaid dance camp put on by the local dance studio. I tried my best to keep the house straightened up for my mom. Let's face it...three extra houseguests and a dog brings a lot more mess to the table, so to speak.

On Friday my daughter had her short recital, and on Saturday family and friends of Sonja (my brother's girlfriend and baby Holly's mom) came together for a baby shower. Already my second weekend in town and busy, crazy busy. The rest of the week was filled with seeing family and preparing for an even busier weekend. My Friday night was taken up with the reunion registration night. My Saturday was taken up with the family barbecue I was planning, my nephew's 1st birthday party, the evening reunion dance, and then Sunday concluded with a trip to Wenatchee, WA for a family wedding. It was insane. Absolutely insane, and I relied on energy shots to get me through. The reunion was a ball though.

Somewhere during the second week of our stay in Yakima, we received news that "our" ship would be returning to homeport. Although it wasn't completely unexpected, it threw off our schedule a little bit. Ahron and I both had mixed feelings about the return. It feels really ridiculous to start and then stop a deployment. After our previous, dramatic good-bye, we were expecting to be apart for quite a while. But we always try to remain flexible with schedule changes, and hey, that's just how it is in the military.

Ahron arrived home Tuesday evening, and I have to admit, it's nice to have him home and to have the help with the children. Right now, it's a very emotionally chaotic time in our lives. We are officially up to choose new orders in the spring. We're torn between staying here for an extra year, and moving on to a new location, most likely the East Coast. There's a couple of reasons we really want to stay here. 1)We just bought our house last year. 2)Daughter officially starts school on the 8th. 3)Family is here

For now the plan is to look into an extension and we're kind of just waiting to find out what's going to happen. Also, Ahron was up for Chief Petty Officer as I mentioned in a previous post, but he did not make the cut this year. But there's always next year. It's time for us to hold on tight, the ride is just about to get bumpy and scary. But somehow I know we'll come out all right in the end.