Seeing developmental delays through rose-colored glasses

Man, oh man, has it ever been a journey with Miles and his development. 

When my little guy was just a baby, he seemed to be a little bit behind on his milestones.  From smiling, to crawling to walking and talking, he was always just behind.  Not terribly, but just enough to worry me. 

When Miles turned two, I mentioned to his doctor that he still wasn't talking much.  Our doctor at the time gave me the number for a local speech therapy center.  From that point on, we were introduced into the world of IEP's(Individualized Education Plans) and special education programs.  Miles only spent five months at his toddler speech therapy before starting with the school district. 

After working for a full year with a school speech therapist and attending a local preschool, he was referred to the developmental preschool which he started in September 2011.  Now that he is five, he is starting at the elementary school with the Special Education class but I'm honestly not sure that is the right path for him.  I'm curious to meet with the teacher there and have a feeling she'll recommend him for the general Kinder class and remedial program or perhaps another year of preschool.

Also, he is going to be screened by the developmental pediatrician soon.  I'm not sure what this is all going to entail.  All along, I have heard that this person and this person couldn't diagnose him with anything because conditions like Autism and ADHD are medical issues and need to be diagnosed by a doctor.  I don't feel he falls into either of those categories and was told a long time ago by his first therapists that if anyone tried to diagnose him with autism, seek a second and third opinion.  I'm not sure this is anything other than developmental delays, primarily fine motor and speech, but I guess only time will tell. 

Now that Ahron is home every night, he's getting an idea of the many conferences, appointments and therapy reports that we have undergone since Miles started on this journey.  And it helps knowing that he's beginning to understand what it takes to parent a child who has developmental delays (however major/minor they might be).  I've often felt alone in this and I'm just glad to have my partner now along for the ride.     

It's really heart-wrenching as a mother to be told all the things that are wrong with your child, or all of things that he's not doing, because I see him as such a bright, funny little guy that makes my life full every day.  I'm extremely proud of how far he's come at this point.  And I just want the best for him and his future.     

Fracture

My poor little Elaine. Yesterday we were getting ready for a trip to Lowe's for some various projects at the house. We got the kids ready to go and Lainie ran outside to swing for a couple of minutes. As we were getting ready to head out the car, Ahron asked me, "Do you hear crying?" Knowing that Miles often watched old family videos, I said, "No, Miles probably just left a video on the computer." Then Ahron opened the sliding glass door and the crying was definitely coming from the yard. Lainie was crying, saying she wanted to go to bed and that her arm hurt. My initial thought was that she was stung by a bee or maybe pulled her arm out of socket on the swing. We brought her in and had her raise her right arm which was fine. Then we had her try to raise her left and she couldn't. She was crying in pain. Not screaming in pain but I could tell something was wrong because her arm was so limp at her side. We decided to take her to the Naval Hospital ER to get checked out as a precaution. Luckily, there was no one in the waiting room and she was seen right away. After an X-RAY on the arm, the PA informed us that she had a buckle fracture. Buckle fractures are an incomplete fracture where the bones compress against each other and usually occur in the young and the elderly. Since children's bones are softer than adults, it's common and heals rather quickly then a more serious fracture. I was completely shocked because she didn't have a serious fall that we could ever witnessed and she wasn't swinging wildly or anything like that. I guess it was just one of those unlucky things. Anyway, she was sent home with a cloth splint and some Tylenol and Motrin. She may have to wear the splint for a couple of weeks we have to go to the walk-in clinic next week. Last night she came in the room crying and saying her arm hurt again so I gave her another dose of Motrin and we fell asleep together on the couch. It makes me so sad to know she's hurting at all. I hope that the pain begins to subside as her arm is more stable in the splint. Last night as I helped her get back to bed, I was thinking about being little, and when you're in pain, you know your parents can make it completely better somehow. I just hope that she gets that comfort and love from us that we got from our parents. And it's funny that no matter your age, you still see your parents as guardians and protectors. Whenver something goes awry in my life, I always reach for the phone to call my Mom, because I know she can bring me that comfort and encouragement. I hope I can be that for my children when they are older. Lainie hates wearing the splint but hopefully she won't have to wear it very long.

Five!

This Saturday we are celebrating my son Miles's fifth birthday!  The days are long, but the years are oh so short.  I cannot believe five years have passed already.   He is catching up more and more with his peers and that makes me happy.   He is unbelievably coordinated and intelligent.  He is loving and tender-hearted and still loves to cuddle.  He builds really elaborate set ups between his marble run and his Angry Birds game.  I feel that he is really engineer-minded, much like his Uncle Jared and Grandpa Mark.   He loves to follow around and copy his big sister and I think that is about the sweetest thing to watch (although at 7, she doesn't find it so endearing!).

His actual birthday is on Monday and I think I'll make cupcakes for his preschool class.  I always, always pictured myself having a little boy and I'm so glad God blessed me with Miles. 

Birthday # 30!!

I can't believe in just over one month I'll be turning 30!  I've seen a lot of my friends on Facebook mourn their 30th birthday and that makes me sad.  This is a time on life where you become sure about who you are and where your place in this world is.  30 is going to be a time for me to make a difference! 

On that note, I've started a campaign to raise money for the International Justice Mission.  Here is my campaign link!

http://ijmfreedommaker.org/account/508/Jamie-Arendes

Also, I'll be participating in The Birthday Project!  Here is a link to what that's all about!
http://www.thebdayproject.com/


Life is beautiful people, let's celebrate it with compassion and kindness.  30, can't wait to rise up and meet you!

Coming up for air

Wow, I can't believe it's been a month and a half since I last wrote here!  Ahron came home March 1st, he had a week off in which we all got sick.  Not the dream family time I'd imagined it was going to be but c'est la vie. 

He then began his shore duty assignment which took some adjusting to, as starting any new job would.  New places, new faces for him.  New workload. 

As for myself I've been busy with spring activities and conferences, getting my landscaping plans in order and trying to keep up a very full house between all of the cleaning and cooking and mothering.  Being a stay at home parent is no joke!  I'd probably get a lot more accomplished if I wasn't on Facebook and Pinterest half of the time. 

I've also noticed I need to stop eating so much crap junk food and start working out more.  Having Ahron home means we go out to eat more.  So I've made a commitment to cut out fast food, soda and candy for the time being until I can get on a better work out schedule. 

The weather here so far has completely been awful this spring but I'll take what little sunshine we can get and use it wisely.   All in all, I'm feeling really blessed and starting to breathe a bit more.  Having my best friend at my side, well, we are definitely stronger together. 

This weekend we'll be spending Easter at home in Yakima and I'm looking forward to it!

House By the Side of the Road

Heard this on Celebrity Ghost Stories once and it's a moving poem by Sam Walter Foss.  Related to my thoughts today:

THERE are hermit souls that live withdrawn

In the place of their self-content;

There are souls like stars, that dwell apart,

In a fellowless firmament;

There are pioneer souls that blaze the paths

Where highways never ran-

But let me live by the side of the road

And be a friend to man.

Let me live in a house by the side of the road

Where the race of men go by-

The men who are good and the men who are bad,

As good and as bad as I.

I would not sit in the scorner's seat

Nor hurl the cynic's ban-

Let me live in a house by the side of the road

And be a friend to man.

I see from my house by the side of the road

By the side of the highway of life,

The men who press with the ardor of hope,

The men who are faint with the strife,

But I turn not away from their smiles and tears,

Both parts of an infinite plan-

Let me live in a house by the side of the road

And be a friend to man.

I know there are brook-gladdened meadows ahead,

And mountains of wearisome height;

That the road passes on through the long afternoon

And stretches away to the night.

And still I rejoice when the travelers rejoice

And weep with the strangers that moan,

Nor live in my house by the side of the road

Like a man who dwells alone.

Let me live in my house by the side of the road,

Where the race of men go by-

They are good, they are bad, they are weak, they are strong,

Wise, foolish - so am I.

Then why should I sit in the scorner's seat,

Or hurl the cynic's ban?

Let me live in my house by the side of the road

And be a friend to man.

Sam Walter Foss

February

Over half way done now and exactly two weeks until I'm reunited with my sweetheart.  The awful, but typical winter weather has been contributing to my sadness and isolation but now I can see the light at the end of this long, strange journey we've been on for the last four years. 

The USS Deployed will be pulling into port for an extended maintenance period where we get to work on marriage, build our family life and repair what has been broken.

The last two months have been an emotional release for me.  No longer can I contain feelings which have been bottled up, bobbing along stormy seas for the last few years.  It's all coming to a crest and I think that's why this final separation has been so incredibly difficult for me.

Yesterday I just needed encouragement.  I needed to be acknowledged somehow.  As I've said before in this online journal, encouragement can come in very strange places.  After some time in prayer, I logged onto the Virginian Pilot and revisited a columnist by the name of Jacey Eckhart.  She is a great voice for mil spouses. 

I came across this column:
http://hamptonroads.com/2010/06/military-spouses-deserve-recognition-elicits-pride-instead-groans

As usual, she hit it spot on.  She cleared away the foggy isolation window and gave me a moment of clarity.  In that moment, I acknowledged that our life is not normal.  And that it's hard.  It's really hard sometimes and it's okay to admit that.  It's okay to need help and encouragement.   While some people consider it weak to seek help through whatever sustains them be it faith or family, I see it as incredibly courageous, and I feel sorry for that person's misguided thinking.  Of course we know that we can find unbelievable strength deep within ourselves, but remember that movie About a Boy?  Remember that quote from the movie, "no man is an island." 

I just looked it up and it's a part of a passage by John Donne.

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.  

I guess what I just want to put out there today... is to think about this from two perspectives.  If you are hurting, or going through something, don't be afraid to ask for help.  Remember help can come in many different forms and places.  And if you see a friend or family member, or an acquaintance struggling through a life issue, be there for them!  Treat them to coffee, have a conversation with them, recommend a book that got you through a hard time.  Just don't sit back and let them struggle.  Be part of something bigger than yourself.  In the end, we'll all be better people for it. 

So...

I'm trying to find my way out this January funk I've been in.  I've still been quite weepy and emotional the past few weeks but at least, at least we are nearly halfway done with the final separation. 

And, on a good note, my mom is coming on Thursday to come hang out with me for the whole weekend, yay!  I haven't seen her since Christmas so I'm looking forward to some mother/daughter time. 

Last night I took my kiddos to see Chipwrecked on base.  I've never been to the base theater (well, except for last Saturday when we showed up an hour and a half early for Happy Feet 2).  The movie was eh....okay.  I liked the first two better.  I love Jason Lee who plays Dave Seville though.  I'm glad he stuck it out for the third installment. 

Earlier in the day, I watched an incredible movie which might have been my favorite movie of the last year.  It was called "Midnight in Paris" and it stars Owen Wilson and Rachel McAdams. 

In the movie, Wilson plays Gil Pender, a popular screenwriter engaged to McAdams character.  They are vacationing in France when Gil starts lamenting about the current time frame he lives in.  Then one night, he decides to walk home and at midnight he is transported back into the 1920's in Paris where he rubs elbows with Gertrude Stein, T.S. Eliot, Salvador Dali, Ernest Hemingway, Picasso, Cole Porter, Zelda and Scott Fitzgerald.  Truly some of the greatest artists/writers/musicians of our time!

 I loved the movie for two reasons.  One, I can certainly empathize with Gil Pender's character and wanting to live in a different time, or feeling like you weren't born in the right time.  Two, I love that he has to confront his reality and change his situation proactively instead of just sitting on the sidelines of his life.  I was inspired by this.  It made me think a lot about my life and where it's been lately. 

Anyway, that's my latest update.  Working on it, working through it!

God

I'm so glad I have a relationship with God.  This is not a religious rant.  It's not me up on my soapbox or any kind of better than thou post. 

But I am so lonely through so many of these separations.  Yet I'm not alone because my Creator is with me.  I speak to him freely, I release my emotions to Him often.  When I do not the emotions become a burden and I don't want that for me or my precious children.  Life is already hard enough to bear the burden of overwhelming emotions too. 

No life, no marriage, is easy or perfect.  I'm grateful and thankful for what I do have.  And I can't wait to feel the sun on my face again. 

Sometimes

Sometimes the blessings in my life overwhelm me, inspire me and keep me moving forward.

39 more days