So...

I'm trying to find my way out this January funk I've been in.  I've still been quite weepy and emotional the past few weeks but at least, at least we are nearly halfway done with the final separation. 

And, on a good note, my mom is coming on Thursday to come hang out with me for the whole weekend, yay!  I haven't seen her since Christmas so I'm looking forward to some mother/daughter time. 

Last night I took my kiddos to see Chipwrecked on base.  I've never been to the base theater (well, except for last Saturday when we showed up an hour and a half early for Happy Feet 2).  The movie was eh....okay.  I liked the first two better.  I love Jason Lee who plays Dave Seville though.  I'm glad he stuck it out for the third installment. 

Earlier in the day, I watched an incredible movie which might have been my favorite movie of the last year.  It was called "Midnight in Paris" and it stars Owen Wilson and Rachel McAdams. 

In the movie, Wilson plays Gil Pender, a popular screenwriter engaged to McAdams character.  They are vacationing in France when Gil starts lamenting about the current time frame he lives in.  Then one night, he decides to walk home and at midnight he is transported back into the 1920's in Paris where he rubs elbows with Gertrude Stein, T.S. Eliot, Salvador Dali, Ernest Hemingway, Picasso, Cole Porter, Zelda and Scott Fitzgerald.  Truly some of the greatest artists/writers/musicians of our time!

 I loved the movie for two reasons.  One, I can certainly empathize with Gil Pender's character and wanting to live in a different time, or feeling like you weren't born in the right time.  Two, I love that he has to confront his reality and change his situation proactively instead of just sitting on the sidelines of his life.  I was inspired by this.  It made me think a lot about my life and where it's been lately. 

Anyway, that's my latest update.  Working on it, working through it!

God

I'm so glad I have a relationship with God.  This is not a religious rant.  It's not me up on my soapbox or any kind of better than thou post. 

But I am so lonely through so many of these separations.  Yet I'm not alone because my Creator is with me.  I speak to him freely, I release my emotions to Him often.  When I do not the emotions become a burden and I don't want that for me or my precious children.  Life is already hard enough to bear the burden of overwhelming emotions too. 

No life, no marriage, is easy or perfect.  I'm grateful and thankful for what I do have.  And I can't wait to feel the sun on my face again. 

Sometimes

Sometimes the blessings in my life overwhelm me, inspire me and keep me moving forward.

39 more days

Mean Mommy

I hate having to wear my mean mommy hat but we're dealing with hitting at the moment.  I had to take away all of Miles' bowling pins, his beloved new Christmas toy and he's been crying for his bowling sets but hitting in our house is just plain unacceptable. 

We also ordered a book on Amazon.com called Hands are Not for Hitting.  I figure if I read it to every night for a couple of weeks it will hopefully drive home the point.  I'm not sure if he's picking it up at school or it's just one of those random phases.  Sure does test my patience though. 

On the flip side, hands are fun for shadow puppets.  And I promised Lainie I would learn some new ones for bedtime :)  Maybe this link will be helpful for us
http://www.apples4theteacher.com/holidays/ground-hog-day/hand-shadows/

Today

Amongst the rain and snow mix of the Northwest this morning, I am absolutely feeling the deepest aches of separation in the military. 

It isn't just the separation, but I am in such a bad place in my life, emotionally.  I feel void of a purpose and feel overwhelmed with where to start looking for one. 

Some people can throw their all into being a mother.  While that may work well for them, I haven't had a baby in almost five years and now both of mine are off to school.  On the brink of stepping into my thirties, I'm not sure I want to start all over again with the motherhood thing.  And having a third baby means committing to the full-time job of motherhood, which isn't a problem for me but Ahron has not expressed any desire to have more children so we're out of sync on that subject. 

I want to find part-time work, something that will enable me to use my skills again.  However, I'm so worried about finding the right care for both of my children.  In our uprooted household I want to keep the stress of altering their routine to a minimum.  If I don't start working, I'm looking for some volunteer opportunities.  Maybe need to visit the state Vet's home around the corner since my emails have gone unanswered. 

I know I have the power to change things, it's just easier to get lost in the loneliness and negative feelings.  I'm hoping I have the strength to change things soon because right now everything seems so bleak. 

New Year, final separation begins

Ahhh, familiar territory we are in this morning. We always have to drop Ahron off at some unGodly hour of the morning when he leaves. Of course the kids are confused and half-asleep so they cried on the way home. When we woke up this morning though, everyone was in better spirits. The house is way too quiet without Ahron and I feel slightly down though. Luckily I have a couple of projects on the horizon to keep me busy.

Ahron flies to New York City where he'll have a layover, and then he should arrive in Baltimore around 7pm EST. We found out that he'll likely be staying in the original barracks that we met and fell in love in. The Navy barracks were recently remodeled. I'm sure it will bring back many memories for him. One of the things I always loved was that it was right across the street from the chapel.

It's strange though. We started sea duty with a C-school in which he left in January 2008 and now we're starting shore duty almost three years later to the day with another C-school. I guess in a way we've come full circle. That's all for today. I'm going to spend the day taking it easy and spend time with my babies who need me.